Fun With Medicine Labels

I have taken a lot of medications in my life. As always, I am occasionally baffled by the labels. Staid doctor language... (I learned quickly what "agit" "amp" "al" "as" meant...[pity one pharmacist screwed up the last, luckily I did not follow the instruction "Place two drops of Auralcan into right eye" as opposed to my right ear...it could have been a dangerous mistake. See, al is a Latin abbreviation for "auris laeva" right ear- the pharmacist mistook doctor scrawl and the "al" was translated as "ol".] And I learned "qd" fast...in layman's terms "Every day."

Fun, fantastic warnings:
If you experience bruising, fainting, shortness of breath, bleeding from ear, orange urine... (I read fact sheets, with my allergies and histories of having issues with medications, with a mix of fascination and horror.)
Of course, my favorite is for my Imitrex injector, as the pill never worked I or someone else injects me when I have a migraine. "Ready injector." "Ok. *click*" "Insert needle into subcutaneous fat on thigh" (I haven't got any. Hence, I end up with an impressive goose egg.) "press button and hold for 30 seconds. Gently remove." Really, though, besides sleeping off headaches from hell, or attempting to go through a little out of it, this isn't too awful.

The pictures used to have me a little giggly. I think one was a little man, with huge sunken eyes, gazing morosely, while birds and #!#&*# floated around his head. He was dizzy and apparently cussing out a companion? Apparently, he had taken the medication and gotten drunk. Or else, the medication had made him seem drunk. I was sick, and loopy so thought he was funny. I grew used to him and called him "Bertie."
On Arrested Development, an eye (This medication will knock you out-LT) next to a martini glass in a slashed circle (Don't drink!) had the family matriarch thinking it was a little winking eye "Well, you shouldn't, wink, wink!)


I am forever amused by "Do not use while operating heavy machinery" on children's products, not just the usual "Kiddie Wine Cooler" cough syrups like Dimetapp used to be.
I imagine scores of coughing five-year olds in hard hats, driving bull dozers and singing of Bob The Builder. And I shake in my boots and want to tell them to get inside, they'll catch their death of pneumonia. Sadly, many of them drive better than adults I know.