I blog gluten-free

Thursday, October 27, 2011

I am Weirdly and Wonderfully Made...To the 25th Power

1)I have these slightly weird texture issues. It often interferes with my more helpful side. (Mind you, this is a question you don't hear often)--- being asked, "where is my hair?" recently, I knew immediately, I'd have a handful of soaking wet, cheap fake hair in my hand (and hate it)--but automatically, nose wrinkling to spectator's amusement, I reached to the left of me and--- yup. I had to wash my hands a time or two just to get the "icky" feeling away.

2)"Creepy" items, like plastic, bloody, rubber limbs are not all that impressive to me. When I was 5 I received and adored a paperweight of a dead tarantula under glass. I was an odd kid

3)When I was 11, we lived near these weirdos with more exotic pets than you can shake a stick at. They had a little habit of escaping here and there, and imagine my shock one day after school when I came eye to eye with a 6-foot long boa constrictor happily ensconced upon my book shelf. My father was less amused by my "Dad, there's a snake in my room" than I'd have been pleased with, my poor mother was thankfully, at work. When he investigated, he could only say "Well, I think he likes you". Um, thanks? Upon his return, the reassuring words: "Oh, that's where he went. He escaped 2 weeks ago."

4) I'm fond of humor mixed with my horror and tend to mix in a lot of Monty Python/ Young Frankenstein/Wednesday Addams (creepy little girl) shenanigans to toss people off balance. When, recently, I was trying to inveigle people to go one way, and they absolutely insisted on not listening when I said "Follow me, over here." I finally dropped to a crouch Igor would be proud of and said "Walk this way, walk this way. I know, I know, if you could walk that way you wouldn't need aftershave, but come now!" It was good for a laugh.

5)I'm fond of cooking, and when my appetite is good, not when I've been sick from trying to shake off bronchitis, I like to taste test. Then, when it's absolutely right, it's time to feed my friends.

6)Recently, I was introduced to the shock that can be had with a surreptitious toss of gun powder into fire and waiting for the flash. Done right, it happens at the moment everyone's lulled into complacency. Fun!

7)I am constantly on the move.

8)My music tastes cannot be pinned into a single category---liking the new Casting Crowns album, "The Well", very much right now. No, not a plug

9)I find that the more I play with odd make up looks, the more I prefer clean and natural. There's a lot to be said for a little pink cheek.

10) I don't like nasty people, although as a consequence of life, they are to be dealt with. As a result, I try to maintain a sense of humor, and breathe sighs of relief if they aren't coming my way.

11)I am not religious as much as I prefer faith. That said, in troubling times or if I'm scared, you'll see me crossing myself by habit.

12)Sometimes, I am really quiet and trying to get my bearings. Really, I'd find a way to say I'm sad.

13)I cover grays. True story.

14)I'm persnickety about conditioning my hair and like to deep condition regularly.

15)I can be a major smart ass if I'm irritated enough.

16)I don't like arguing. That said, I'm not likely to back down easily.

17)I'm prone to errors in English. Some mistakes still sound positively horrid in context. I always laugh later.

18)I drink a lot of tea. I go between three favorites, the orange peel and sweet spice "Constant Comment", the English Breakfast, and the Cinnamon Stick

19)I can be brutally honest, particularly when no one wants to hear it.

20)I believe in laughing at myself. I have to, I really can pull some odd shenanigans!

21)I LOVE chocolate. It's a special treat and tends to make me smile.

22) I like light, "gotta get close to smell" perfumes. Of late, I'm loving Philosophy Pure Grace---waterlily, bergamot a few more... very light, very shower clean.

23)I still write and send hand written letters, in cursive. And I love it! It is joked that I am the only person under 60 who still writes by hand.

It's a puzzle...:-P
24) I love reading, and will read almost anything. Still, I hate "horror books" that begin "It was a dark and stormy night"---I cannot allow it and will ask "How dark was it?"

25) I am happy to be a little oddball, and will happily smile and wave off those who think I'm too weird. Your loss. I am awesome.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Even Though It All Went Wrong...

And even though it all went wrong, I'll stand before the Lord of Song with nothing on my tongue but "hallelujah".

I am, what I am. When people say things, sometimes, I have had to learn NOT to ask for an explanation. The other night I confused "Necrophiliac" and "Kleptomaniac"... and it will not sound better in context. I am stubborn when it comes down to it, if I am hurt, I will show you a side of me I don't often show, although I will hold it in for a long time.

I don't know how to rest, even when I get chances to, I'm afraid the only thing that will keep me still and not trying to ensure everyone else is OK is to chain me to the bed.

I am someone who has screwed up time and time again. I will likely do so again, whether it be because I misunderstood, I did not make myself understandable, or just via human foible, I will have to learn a lesson and dust off and keep walking.

I hold tight to a few, and don't trust easily. Sometimes, I look sad when I'm really not. People sometimes think I'm angry, when really, I'm just quiet, content, and trying to absorb the atmosphere. If I feel my trust is violated, I do not handle it well at all.

I love the simple joys... I get excited by the night sky, love laying out and staring up, day-dreaming, really. I saw a shooting star and was so gosh-darned excited, I could have burst into tears from my happiness. It was beautiful, fast, bright green and ferociously hot at one point, with a beautiful, smoky tail. And yes, I made a wish. Of course!
Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight, I wish I may, I wish I might, have the first wish I wish tonight

I am me. Silly. Goofy. Sarcastic. Maybe troubled. Who knows? I do know: I like me as I am.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Bethy Gets Squirrely

For too long, I have taken the crap dished out by the world and just smiled my way through it. NO MORE! I'm mad as hell!
This world is MY BITCH and I will MAKE IT WORK FOR ME.

Look here, I'm nice, I'm sweet. I even have reasonably nice breath. I do my best to fight, to keep my head above water. And I have not gone through years of speech therapy, have not fought, studied, dealt with fists, nasty words, and those "We say this because we care" oodles of bat crap for nothing.

I have been called that dear sweet little doormat. Screw you!
If you want something from me, have the decency to ask ME directly. I may say no, but I will do so to your face. I expect that if you want me to something that goes against all I believe in, all I've fought for, then you say it to me. Not my mother. I will not behave. Not for you. The best way to get me to do anything: Show me what's in it for me. I know what's in it for you. My dignity and my self-respect mean more to me than keeping the peace or doing something that takes away from all I have fought for.
This may sound selfish. Well, screw it. Everyone gets their turn.

I have fought, struggled, and learned a few nasty lessons. And I have learned good lessons from nasty situations. I don't go back in the cesspool when I've gotten out. If I have lost respect for you, there is no more to give, and repeated bull crap will just make me squirrely.

This is MY WORLD. I will make it work for me. Step back. Here I come.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

A Girly-Girl's Plea To Men

if you're more girly than I, I pray for you, hombre! :)
Dear Gentlemen,
Hi, it's me. Let's talk.

I am all about taking care of yourself. If you're sick, please don't be stubborn...get off your ass and fix it. Last I knew, the Y- Chromosomed ones do adore solutions!
Keeping yourself reasonably fit? Go with your bad self. No, really. You don't have to be a big, buff, handsome guy. Having a personality truly helps. Please, have some brains, and not meat from the neck up.

Men are wonderfully sweaty, hairy, creatures. There's a certain smell I go for... the natural Man-Stink and a mixture of a clean soap and shampoo. You don't necessarily need cologne, and if you must use it, kindly don't bathe in it. This applies especially to Brut and Polo, which I remember with headachey clarity as a result of my brother and his best friend. Gack.
Embrace it. A good soap, some basic trimming, clean clothes, great!

One thing I adore about a lot of the guys I do allow around me: they tend not to behave like bitchy little girls. (If they did, I'd grace them with a look to make them feel as though they've been measured for a coffin.)
Caring about calories? Ok, good. But kind of shaky territory. One thing I notice: people on diets tend to get these superiority complexes. Don't be that asshat. I'll have no choice but to give you a stinging tell off. (And it will hurt me more than it does you.)

BE A MAN. OWN IT. Don't be a huge asshat, but for God's sake, if you act girlier than I do, honey, you've got issues.

Finally, the Y-Chromosomed Ones among us seem to be becoming vain. Stop that! Bad!
1)If you are doing excessive grooming (I don't think too kindly of a man who sculpts his eyebrows, for example. Points for allowing hot wax on your face though. But um... to me, the trimmed, waxed look is a chick thing, cowboy.)

2) Diet Soda. Oh, for God's sake, boys. Yes, it's manly to drink something that tastes like liquid tin and count calories.(End sarcasm?) Guys, this is a girly-girl, stuck in the 50's type telling you "Pull your head out of your ass. Are you freakin' kidding me?" and the ads for diet soda for men are nothing more than a boyish version of that godawful liquid tin in a bright pink can, Tab (Eat less and he'll love you! Fark off.)
Gents: If you insist upon drinking that 10-calorie liquid tin: OWN IT. Dressed up diet soda advertised for the fuzzy and sweaty among us is just that.
A diet soda is a diet soda is a diet soda. Aight?

So, gentlemen? I understand: you can be smelly, fuzzy, sweaty, a bit machismo, and perhaps hold a lot of pride in oozing with testosterone. Awesome! Enjoy!

*Everyone: IF you insist upon drinking liquid tin, then please do not use it to wash down large fries and a triple bacon cheeseburger. It's kind of defeating the purpose. We live in a beautiful world. Enjoy it. Screw the artificial. Taste it. Love it. Live with it. And don't deny yourself. If you're feeling tubby, go ahead. Please take care of you. But don't become a raging ass hat.

Trust Me, It Hurts Me More Than It Does You...

I'm generally an easy-going, happy-go-lucky sort. There are of course, a few phrases that will cause heat to come to my face and me to see the world in a haze of vermillion. (And let's face it, I made a creepy guy go away by squeaking "You goshdarned something something!" I'm not sure if I scared him or if he needed to laugh. I'm betting on the latter. Even my closest friends get a giggle at my vocabulary.) In other words, I'm not an aggressive sort... if confrontation comes, I've been holding it in for the longest time and have snapped incredibly.

These phrases include:
"It's for your best interests"
"Trust me"
"Behave" (I suddenly become a lot less nice. I've behaved a little too long, now, offered a line of bullshit, my natural love 'em all and the world is beautiful attitude goes right out the window.)
"This will hurt me more than it does you"
"Relax, Miss, it shouldn't hurt a bit."
Among all my least favorites are "Best interests", "Cooperate" and for God's sake "I feel bad for you, you've had such a tough time"... No. No. No.

Here it goes. I'm nice. But I'm stubborn. I learned a long time ago...if you ask for help, that person owns you. They'll step on you. You have to take care of you. I am also a God-awful patient and feel terrible for anyone who has felt the need to nurse me to help. I am stubborn, and want to heal so fast, I forget "rest". I figure I either have to sink or swim or alone and be damn grateful, there's a lot of great friends, and a lot of love in my life.
Thanks! I know, I'm a gosh-darned pain in the ass.

Friday, October 7, 2011

State of the Beth

With weather changes and rain, comes more and more pain etc... having chronic pain, you learn to smile and shrug a bit... shit happens, you kind of have to roll with it.

So I've come down with bronchitis, as well as a lovely case of allergies, the usual fall stuff. I do consider it a blessing somewhat: Just trying to open a medicine bottle has me sleeping for hours on end!

So now I'm getting claritin to clear up my nose and make things a little easier, along with a new addition to my health plan: apparently B-12 shots can help with pain. So I'll be getting one every month. A five minute to a nurse, once a month, to roll my sleeves up. Awesome! I'll also be doing  50, 000 unit doses of Vitamin D over 8 weeks.

I am attempting to be my sunny, mischievous self, from the couch or bed- and if I feel like I'm hungry, I'm not second-guessing myself, anything should help me feel better. Which is why last night I took a break from soup for my favorite mashed potatoes. Maybe bad, maybe good...they sure made ME feel good! And yes, if I'm needed, I'm here. I'll do my best to avoid coughing in your ear.

I'm sleepy, but happy, and think this deserves far more than a damn Cadillac ad:
Here comes the sun again