I blog gluten-free

Monday, July 22, 2013

Leave A Better World, or Leave No Trace

When life makes me insane, or I need to get out excess energy, a wandering I go. I love the water, and the plants and animals. I do my best to leave no traces of myself, and take nothing but photos. 
I pray, in a small part, that I may leave improvements here, or no footprints where they're not needed. 

Friday, July 19, 2013

One Would Ask That We Stop Using The Royal We and Them. Please

This MUST sound odd. It's possible to like people but get bogged down easily. It's also possible to find that, when someone finds themselves in a group, they might be polite about things... My closest friends may know it's been about six months of fighting for better medical help, grief for a family member, yeah I don't recover fast, trying to sort out many different things, and generally, get me under control while I search for ways to help myself and keep my mind from tick ticking loudly while researching VNS, etc. and trying to make a dent in the antiquated treatments. They made me sicker.

Do NOT pull me aside like I am a recalcitrant five year old, shout at me, and make accusations and assumptions. Don't mock me because I'm pale... without sunblock, the sun does worse than burn me and my eyes are sensitive to light.
Do not speak for collective groups... the royal we makes YOU sound like an asshole, and WE would hope that one would learn some manners. Ew. Ok. Now. Asking politely might gain a general, polite answer. I want fresh air. I like people. I don't like loud noises and people talking over each other loudly and making nasty comments,apparently for fun.I got a new haircut. This is obvious. I like it. I'm happy. Let it go, it just strikes me the same as the guy who asked me if I could permanently straighten it. Don't like it? It's my head! Judging me and saying do this, and blah blah, and why like that, and everybody does this, especially negative things... No... that's not true. Also, my life is mine to lead as I choose. If I am quiet, I am quiet. If I am happy,let me be so.

Sunday, July 7, 2013

I Want To Believe, or, Not My Circus, Not My Monkeys

want to believe.
I want to believe that:
-Every hooker on the street has a heart of purest gold and will suddenly burst into Memories from Cats with just the right knowing look.
-Every homeless person is really an angel in disguise, even the one drenched in his wee and shouting epithets at you.

But: the world is harsher and colder, and while I detest judging people harshly, I can't afford to ignore my gut.
There are freaky, nasty people. Sometimes, they get close to families, and tend to pick on one person with both gossip and lascivious remarks that erode trust that might already be hard won and shaky.

-Responding to anything a person is happy about with negativity and gossip and phrases designed to dig at insecurity... this is not normal, or shouldn't be.
-Asking about people I'm not involved in any arguments with and speculation on if I see them in Mass. Subsection 1: Not my circus, not my monkeys. Subsection 2:if you're in church, it's not human things and battles you should focus on. There are bigger concerns in play at church, I'd think.

Let me reiterate because while asking me to go back to doctors who have hurt me, stating you'd talk for me, after years spent wearing me down and getting me to think something was wrong with the way I spoke and carried myself, and doing just that, to my detriment, you want to keep it up, want me to hurt in order to heal?

I can speak. I have not spent time healing and fighting to depend on abusive and nasty people for a basic human right.

Wearing me down and telling me "You can't" to anything, going after me ad nauseam, and treating me as ears for gossip and hurtful things has to quit. As for nasty personal friends: Not my monkeys. I respect myself too much to let nasty old men with lust and more around me in return for "help".