I blog gluten-free

Sunday, July 7, 2013

I Want To Believe, or, Not My Circus, Not My Monkeys

want to believe.
I want to believe that:
-Every hooker on the street has a heart of purest gold and will suddenly burst into Memories from Cats with just the right knowing look.
-Every homeless person is really an angel in disguise, even the one drenched in his wee and shouting epithets at you.

But: the world is harsher and colder, and while I detest judging people harshly, I can't afford to ignore my gut.
There are freaky, nasty people. Sometimes, they get close to families, and tend to pick on one person with both gossip and lascivious remarks that erode trust that might already be hard won and shaky.

-Responding to anything a person is happy about with negativity and gossip and phrases designed to dig at insecurity... this is not normal, or shouldn't be.
-Asking about people I'm not involved in any arguments with and speculation on if I see them in Mass. Subsection 1: Not my circus, not my monkeys. Subsection 2:if you're in church, it's not human things and battles you should focus on. There are bigger concerns in play at church, I'd think.

Let me reiterate because while asking me to go back to doctors who have hurt me, stating you'd talk for me, after years spent wearing me down and getting me to think something was wrong with the way I spoke and carried myself, and doing just that, to my detriment, you want to keep it up, want me to hurt in order to heal?

I can speak. I have not spent time healing and fighting to depend on abusive and nasty people for a basic human right.

Wearing me down and telling me "You can't" to anything, going after me ad nauseam, and treating me as ears for gossip and hurtful things has to quit. As for nasty personal friends: Not my monkeys. I respect myself too much to let nasty old men with lust and more around me in return for "help".

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