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Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Sex and Amazing Psychedelic Sheep

Growing up with a man who studied to be a priest and both parents being Pre-Vatican II Catholics, I picked up a lot of odd stories over the years. Tales of love, loss, warning, and well, just plain horror.
First up:
If I'm dating you, and I say "Honey, prove how much you love me, bring me 100 foreskins" I hope you look at me funny! (Although not with the same odd look if I accidentally say something REALLY dirty, which I'm prone to do). Think about this: Young David, shepherd boy turned Killer of Giants, who has already dodged the king's murderous impulses ("Here, play music for me---oh, whoops that javelin just slipped right out of my hand!") is in love with the first of many a woman. So, he goes and asks her hand from a rather murderous man. I'd probably tell the guy, "Make something of yourself. Shower her in jewels. Love her. Cherish her." But, Saul says, "Bring me 100 foreskins." (From the Phillistines. Dangerous race there... Goliath, prior to his death, was not kidding when he told David the nasty things he'd do to him) David doesn't find this at all odd. (Note: as a child, I had no idea what a foreskin was and people blushed when I asked. I ended up having to see one first hand in living color at age 20.)
Instead, he comes back with not 100 foreskins, but 200! Now, golly, doesn't that just make your heart go all pitter-pat? And He gets the girl. And marries at least 90 besides, gets a man killed, has mistresses up the ying yang, but gosh darn it, that's love. That one there, David and His Special Present, has never ceased to make me say "What the what?"
Next up:
(this one made me smirk as a kid, smirk even wider as an anthropology major studying Mendel and his Pea Plants)
The moral actually is: If you believe, if you're good at heart, miracles happen.
Jacob wanders far from home after an incident in which he sold out his twin brother's birthright over a bowl of soup. He is among relatives, still prime breeding stock in those days. His uncle/father-in-law is a shifty character who delights in screwing over Jacob. Making him marry the ugly, unwanted, but infinitely more fruitful bride first, (And, if I'm not reading things incorrectly, one who engaged in a threesome with Jacob and her maid), and making him work as an indentured servant for nearly 20 years, just to marry the love of his life, the famous Rachel who became an archetype, crying for the far-flung children of Israel.
Laben, the FIL/ Uncle, is stealing Jacob's Amazing Psychedelic Sheep - the striped and spotted ones. Jacob, ever a trickster, (must run in the blood) paints a bunch of sheep! And plants the paint stirring sticks to make sure that the sheep have amazing psychedelic lambs. And gosh darn it, if it doesn't work! Yes, indeedie, Jacob defied genetics!

3 comments:

  1. I LOVE SHEEP!!!!!!!!!!!

    Thank you, doll!

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  2. You're so welcome, Buck! Anytime!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I LOVE SHEEP!!!!!!!!!!!

    Thank you, doll!

    ReplyDelete