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Sunday, July 29, 2012

My Schedule For the 30th of February

People are generally lovely, kind, understanding. But even in kindness, people can drive you batshit insane.

For five years, from '06-'11, I was delighted to be seizure-free... if I had to schedule it... timing is everything, or so I'm told, I suppose I'd go for the 30th of February. If by some bizarre quirk of fate the Gregorian calendar is revised, like the Julian calendar it replaced, and we are given a 30th day in February, I am hopelessly screwed! :-)

I have two types... one is the tonic-clonic... I like to call this the cinematic variety... it was known as grand mal at one point. First the body stiffens, then, it relaxes...and whammo. I like to describe a seizure as a disrupted telephone line or as a computer shutting down. In this case,  your call to  Aunt Gertie in Tennessee doesn't go through. No nice conversation... instead, the signal is messed up and the messages don't get down the wire.

The second example is the brain, the CPU of your body. Sometimes, it has to shut itself down and reload. After this, I am generally exhausted and left with large blank parts in my memory, or with a few rather nightmarish-but-blurry images. I also tend to walk and talk like I've been on a 3 day bender. And I'll be really thirsty. I can tell ya, it hurts. Like hell. The muscles really do need some help afterwards. May be warned by headache, but since I also get migraines without activity, this is not always the case. But exhaustion and irritability will usually start just before hand. This one freaks me out, because I'll occasionally, just as I'm waking, think I'm under water while people call my name.

The other type used to be referred to as the "petit-mal"  (I'm a bad French student. "Little Illness.") --- more commonly called a staring spell... some people have these simply due to exhaustion... and I warn people a lot that if I'm otherwise fine, to try to avoid alarming me... I may just be tired! (It's a weird one, but I'll send off clues!) On occasion, I'll drop things... like a soda or water bottle, and I tend to find myself slumping. I'm generally "ok" after, but, if people have attempted to slap me to (please, for God's sake... do NOT slap my cheeks and shout "are you ok"! It's a bit jarring and it's easy to frighten me in this state too.) I have wanted to show them what it's like by giving them a movie bitch-slap,  but not had the requisite strength. "You. Come here. Closer. Closer. Closer. Now. Grab my hand. Now. Slap yourself. Hard." (But I've always chickened out.) I'll be wonky, but not nearly as bad as the first type.

First and foremost, if I feel ready to drop, I listen to myself. No second-guessing! I'll beat this.


  1. You shood wear a helmit. I get scared sometime and wear a helmit but I don't get seizures. Also, I'm lergic to bees. lol

    Thank you for bein so brave and writing becuase it lets me know that others out there suffer like me too.

    U Smile I Smile :)

    Your freind

  2. Take care, Jack :) I'm good right now... and they come with less frequency. It's always good to know that there are people out there who know what it's like :). Stay strong.
    I too am allergic to bee stings... I keep an epi pen for that. Stay strong and smile!

  3. Thank you for talking back. I had read all of your stuff and we have lot in common. I cry at sad movies but my freinds think I'm goofy too. I don't got outside much because I am sick a lot and lergic to a lot. I am happy Jen showed me your stuff so long ago. You make me feel better and want to fight brave like you do.

    Sorry for my spelling too. Do you have a boyfriend? Does he take care of you? he should. even when I'm sick I still take care of tami but we broke up :(

    U Smile I Smile.


  4. I've got great friends. When it comes down to it, I'm not ready to date yet, but one day! :) So I keep marvelous people close, who help a lot. I'm happy to "meet" you. Don't worry about the spelling... I grew up with a dyslexic. I'm learning this: it really doesn't matter what people think... if you cry at movies, enjoy a kids' show, love learning weird/random facts...stay true... and know, those who love you, will love you because you're you. Hope your health gets better, and thank you, SO much, for stopping by, Jack. :)

  5. Not fun. I've never had a seizure explained to me before. You do a very graphic job. I'm really sorry you have to go through this. I know you must be just a little tired of being strong and brave.

  6. It took me forever...While I've felt it, the fact that a large chunk of time got lost kept me from being able to really describe it. But so I can explain it to my doctors (Ok, I feel like this before hand, and like this when I wake up) and to parents of an autistic kid I once babysat, who had some bad seizures, I picked some basic examples... I also like thinking of a lightning storm in the brain. It does, actually, get tiring... but it's life. And I know, it gets better...and I won't be using my feet or a friend for transportation forever! :) One step, one round of tests... one more medication... and one day, maybe an answer! :)