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Sunday, July 8, 2012

Murphy's Law, Part 2

Murphy's Law, as I've always been taught, is this:
If it would ruin your whole day
If you would forever look like a blooming arsehole
--- it's gonna happen.

Or, more succinctly: If it can go wrong, it will. One moment while I banish that hint of cynic that occasionally likes to show herself.

I recently spent 48 hours hooked up to a machine all for it to screw up wonderfully. (There's a curious law of motion here: A Beth in motion can undo catheters, cause IVs to leak in such a way that you pray the nurse is not wearing whites when she decides to stick your vein while balancing your arm on her thigh... um... this is why there's those sling things, even if they end up making you look like you're being crucified... can take up an entire king sized bed when she still fits easily in a twin-sized bed and can easily sleep fetal position in a love seat or chair, and this Beth in motion stays in motion partially out of a fear that not moving means that I'll miss something/ something will go wrong. And I'll stay in motion, while undoing remarkable amounts of restraints, from "helping" hands to heavy blankets pressed into service.) Somehow, the machine, like many medical machines, from medicine pumps, to saline drips, malfunctioned. I was told at my last appointment that they might have to do this again. I think I gave them a dirty look. Apparently, they didn't check their equipment. Along with wire slippage, half of the posts I read on that test list battery power dwindling or showing an absurdly high number while malfunctioning.

Then, this week, after attempting to cure "heat and dehydratrion related issues"- I can drink an absurdly large amount in proportion to size... this may or may not be a good thing... but I have some missing plumbing, so y'know... heat can be a beast... I also was trying to rest from "Headache that wouldn't leave"... this I call "Uncle Screwtape learning to play the bongos." While able to relax in the one way I knew might relax me (and it did, I was freaking exhausted) I ended up having to get out of the bathtub as quickly as I could and grab the first towel I saw... and then go find the nearest soft flat place to lay down. Let's just say... this would have been an appropriate time to be wired up, if not sopping wet and wearing a big towel. Then, we may have had results. As it is, I know my neuro is going to go "But I just put you BACK on meds!" (That's kind of the problem.) While I don't know exactly what happened, it was hours before I was able to get up and relieve thirst, etc. And I can't say just how long all of that was. And if I'm going to feel like a Mack truck ran over me on a fine Saturday morning, I'd better have done some splendid yoga, or had some fun with "Happy Hans".

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