Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Variations: A Thanksgiving Prayer For Change
"You've changed," gets bandied around like it's the worst thing in the world. Change isn't always bad... we need to evolve as time goes by. Tastes change, what we tolerate changes.
I cannot, will not be held down while I'm forced to rest. I will not worry that somehow, everything I've worked for, and everything I am working towards, is going to be snatched away. I've done that. It sucks. I'm replacing what I've lost, making do where I must, and getting those things that show me, once and for all, that I'm further away from the scared ghost-girl I was. I'm enjoying free air.
I won't worry about massive, well-meaning messages of "You can't"... all while (I think) the person means to say "Let me help you" either. I won't let myself be bogged down by being talked over or occasionally dragged. I can say no. And I think I can make a peep if I have to.
So here's to those special little pleasures--- enjoying the quiet under the stars, while listening to crackling and popping old jazz standards...to Billie Holliday and her bittersweet forays into I'll Be Seeing You... while waiting for sleep. Here's to sleep. Here's to being there for those I love. Here's to knowing I'm loved. Here's to laughter, here's to hope.
Here's to... change. Here's to growth. Here's to never letting life make me mean, but to be, simply, myself, even if it's not what people expect. Here's to no angles. Here's to fighting, here's to peace. Here's to forgiving and moving forward.
It's OK to be angry. It is not OK to stay angry. I will not, cannot, let those wounds fester. If something hurts and angers and humiliates, it is up to me to say "That is not acceptable". Not to hold it in. It is up to me to let the past go. Here's to acceptance, and loving, and forgiving myself.
While I cannot control pain, yet, it will not control me. I will not be beaten down.
Here's to confidence, to not letting the world beat me down. To being something peaceful, to being kind. To understand. Not to be understood, but to understand.