I blog gluten-free

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Every Journey Begins With a Single Squeak

*Being angry is not so wrong. Much comes of anger, in the right place... finally, the "Ghost Girl" says no, loudly... (As a friend said once, "Every journey begins with a single squeak.") instead of merely whispering it. It'll be hoarse at first, uncomfortable, awkward, harsh. Saying "I love you, because you're you, but when ____ happens, I feel sad and ashamed," is tough, but better than the hell-fire laced alternative. (That is, venting, all at once, at the wrong time, rather than breathing... or taking the time to talk through things when calmer.) It is staying angry that is wrong and feels so awful. Forgive, bless, and move forward

*Avoid clutching at facts and figures when someone is making you mad. It won't help you to suddenly spout, "I don't know why you mind being called Rufus. William II, William the Conqueror's son, was called that for his red cheeks. You're looking a bit scarlet yourself. " Bad, bad, bad.

*When attempting to quit cussing, this is probably the moment where quiet time should begin. I'm back to square one on mine. On the other hand, there's nothing so priceless for making me laugh than a nonsense, cuss-word laced sentence translated from Finnish.

*With anger, I try to divorce person from action. While I might get angry and say, "That's so ugly", what I'll be meaning is that the action is horrid. The person is removed from it in my mind.

I will not be the kind of girl who trots through a bar like Sandy 2.0 in Grease... it's not for me... I can learn to simply smile and be. If I am liked it won't be simply because I'm well-behaved (Also, I get a wee bit uncomfortable when I'm told "behave", even jokingly... I keep expecting to be treated like a pouty puppy.) While I'm "Miss"-ed a lot and asked to speak up in "loud" places, while I find myself awkwardly humoring people, I am learning to say no, one step at a time. That I am not good for anyone if I am not good to me. That I cannot lay down and quit. But I can rest, and I must... I've knocked myself silly, and I'm showing it.


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