Voicemails

Your voicemail is important. On my landline, a disembodied robotic man's voice tells people that *I* am likely a single woman, and that I couldn't be bothered to change it. On my cell, it's the basic: "Hi, this is Beth. I am so sorry I missed you, but please leave me a message and I'll get back to you." The implied ending being "Sometime this year." Especially since I'll get shot a text if I miss it. Which I tend to  do if I can't figure out if it rang/ vibrated or where the sound came from.
But I think it's maybe time to do a switch... let people have a little fun.
The Existentialist's Voicemail:
Hi, if this is you, please leave a message. If this is not you, then please continue to not leave a message. Thank you.
The Too-Honest Voicemail:Hi. Yes. I have a cell phone. Chances are, I am busy or distracted if you reached this point. If you need me, please recall that I am better at written communication. Thanks.
Covering all bases:
Hi, Mom, if this is you, I was a good girl and went to bed at a decent time. I also wore a hat. If you're a guy, make your case, I'll see if you're good enough for me. If you're a friend of mine, then I truly am sorry, and will get back to you ASAP. Oh, and I has a liquor cabinet. Catch ya'll later. If you're my ex husband: *dial tone*
One Size Fits All:
Hi, this is Beth, I am so sorry I missed you, I was just having the most fabulous time. Toodles! (all purred)