I moved for a reason. So I didn't feel fear anymore. And for a while, my anxiety was doing quite well. Sure, my 4 hour/ night sleep schedule sucked. Sure, I used a lot of the Rescue Remedy/Rescue Sleep to tame "repetitive thoughts". (One packet states: Relief from repetitive thoughts, adds courage and presence of mind in the face of adversity. Helps you cope calmly and patiently when you are not grounded in reality- (AKA: If you are having a panic attack or feel the need to curl into a corner, take this! Remember: The creepy demon you think is standing arms stretched is naught but a shadow and you are going to over tax your heart with all that extra adrenaline!)- Helps you act rationally and think clearly with a calm and balanced mind, when you feel like you are losing control. Softens the impact of shock or fright.
Well... I have slept better, and I don't jump if I accidentally scare myself. I still have a habit of picking out when someone is at my door that wasn't there minutes before and scaring myself and them by opening before they knock... and I didn't screech too loudly when shocked awake last night. But uh, if you're "Making sure I'm ok, knowing you haven't helped me, and admitting that, then telling me "If your anxiety gets too bad..." in a letter that just sounds creepy - remember, stuff like that goes through a person with anxiety and a bad history, and comes out warped. You uh, didn't help with my anxiety. If you're going to bestow the gift of fear, it's just polite to send a fruitcake. I wouldn't eat it even if it were gluten free, but, it's just polite.
Thanks!
(Ok, George Orwell, now that my brain is spinning a dream of 1984 proportions, could you kindly quit cackling?)
OMG. What a ditto of my past history. I know saying this won't make you feel better NOW, but eventually it does get better. I will say that over four years out and many hours of therapy later, I am still vigilant. Everywhere, all the time...
ReplyDeleteIf I were to actually write it all out, I'm sure someone would have a frigging heart attack. I've dealt with the therapy. Now, I work on me to help others later.
ReplyDeleteIf I were to actually write it all out, I'm sure someone would have a frigging heart attack. I've dealt with the therapy. Now, I work on me to help others later.
ReplyDelete