So the sperm donor is at it again. The need for sex, sympathy and control is high with him. Sympathy because he comes from a family of abusive right-wing extremists who take what is naturally yours and abuse you for any signs of your independence. (Up to and including smacking me around because I refused to eliminate my mother and sister from my life...and they thought "they are bad influences on you, they teach you to disobey") which of course, he allows, as Mama will occasionally funnel him filthy lucre- er, money. Which of course, it's ok for a "good Christian" to rob from whatever source they choose. When asked why he thinks it's ok to attempt to sleep with teenage girls (against their will) the formulaic answer is that he doesn't have to grow up, he had a tough life. (BOO HOO!) Any woman who gets with him will be warned...repeatedly... because he steals, isolates and physically abuses. And sexually abuses. I still occasionally find myself accidentally repeating things I was told by him, that are detrimental to myself, or casting my eyes down, particularly when a man tells me I'm pretty. I still have a hard time giving hugs... a few manage, some might actually receive the half-hug or an alarmed, squeaked "Hands off the Beth!" I still will go for a man's hand at first meeting... testing for limp handshake, or general untrustworthiness. I gauge the strength, the actions, the behaviors. It takes me a very long time to get close. At one point, and up to about a year ago, I used to be a shaking little jelly if a guy got too close. At the worst point, after being hurt and raped by a friend of his late summer of '08, I could not get closer than 10 feet from a man. This made for awkward dinners. And a really awkward relationship where I actually could not touch the man.
Some people do work on themselves. Attempt to be better. But often, snakes only shed their skin...they remain snakes.
This is behavior done not just to me, but to others, by the same man:
*Will, at the beginning, seem a rather charming but wounded creature. Note though, the eyes stay icy. There is no emotion whatsoever, and he "changes" personality based on the person.
*Will take umbrage at anyone telling an intended mark that they are such, and that he needs to be avoided.The mark will be isolated
*Has been jailed numerous times for harassment. This is his go to. If you say "Well, D. is a bastard" he will attempt to make your life a living hell.
*Mommy NEVER LOVED ME! (Really, avoid this at all costs.)
*Thinks nothing of inviting swingers to play, with or without permission of his "intended". Thinks that a woman waking up to find herself in bed with a strange man and running is hilarious. Rape, he thinks is good for every woman to experience at least once. See, to him, "Forced sex is every woman's fantasy"--- (If this floats your boat, who am I to tell you you're wrong? But this is easily answered with "not so much"
*Showing signs of independence, disobedience, or in any way making him look stupid is going to cause pain.
*Telling him "no" is right out. I know, in the months leading to my surgery, he would get mad because I hurt too much to give him what he "needed". Then he had a friend of his tell me that if I loved him, and weren't a selfish bitch, I'd fuck through the pain or give him a woman who would satisfy his needs until I was healthy.
*Will have friends of his control you when he's not around. Think 3AM phone calls ordering you around and telling you that you need to change your personality, that he doesn't like such-and-such.
*Has burned a Bible and laughed at the natural response to grab it before it burned.
There's more... lots more... and it sounds like absolute pulp fiction.
In short: Control, power, and your self-esteem will suffer. You are not the first. You will not be the last. Crocodile tears are not from emotion. He loves HIMSELF, the way most would love another, or a child. Everyone, to D., is a slave.
SAVE YOURSELF.
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