Of Patron Saints, and Impossible Cases and Causes

The lovely and funny Erma Bombeck, who in between "rants" on sex and Barbie dolls (A short she did on Sex Education in Kindergarten, when apparently informed her five year old just wasn't getting it", often shocks with a bitter sweet and wise look at childhood, etc.
I liked "This generation, is the wisest group of grown ups who ever sat in a play pen." As in, they become too grown up, seemingly while in Pampers.
She is said to have written this, and I liked it when I had it emailed to me almost 5 years ago. (God, I feel ancient!) I do however think that the only patron saints that can handle me, would be Jude (Patron Saint of Desperate or Impossible Causes) or Saint Gerard! Because he CAN handle profanity! And I am just darned impossible!
Did you ever wonder how the mothers of premature babies are chosen? 
Somehow, I visualize God hovering over Earth, selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. 

As he observes, he instructs his angels to take notes in a giant ledger. 

"Beth Armstrong, son. Patron Saint, Matthew. 

Marjorie Forrest, daughter.Patron Saint, Celia. 

Carrie Rutledge, twins. Patron Saint ... give her Gerard. He's used to profanity. 

"Finally, he passes a name to an angel and smiles. "Give her a preemie. 

"The angel is curious. "Why this one, God? She's so happy." 

"Exactly," smiles God. 

"Could I give a premature baby a mother who knows no laughter? That would be cruel." 

"But does she have the patience?" asks the angel. 

"I don't want her to have too much patience, or she'll drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wear off, she'll handle it. 

I watched her today. She has that sense of self and independence so rare and so necessary in a mother. 

You see, the child I'm going to give her has a world of its own. 

She has to make it live in her world, and that's not going to be easy." 

"But Lord, I don't think she even believes in you." 

God smiles. "No matter, I can fix that. 
This one is perfect.She has just the right amount of selfishness. 

"The angel gasps, "Selfishness?! Is that a virtue?" 

God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she will never survive. 
Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect. 

She doesn't know it yet, but she is to be envied. 

She will never take for granted a spoken word. 

She will never consider a step ordinary. 

When her child says 'mama' for the first time, she will be witness to a miracle and know it. 

I will permit her to see clearly the things I see ignorance, cruelty, prejudice and allow her to rise above them. 

She will never be alone. 

I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side." 

"And what about her Patron Saint?" asks the angel, his pen poised in the air. 

God smiles. "A mirror will suffice."