When I was on a medication that allowed for a heavy, dreamless sleep, due to bizarre night terrors after my divorce proceedings began, (The same general ones that gave me a tendency to dislike being in pitch black environments) it was lovely to have that, although I'd feel guilty that even while sick, I'd sleep so heavily and end up being awake from 9PM to about 1PM the next day, with a cycle repeating, while I felt like a heavy-limbed zombie and was not capable of really communicating with friends. Or anyone. Obviously, "Lessen the shock of the pain and the crazy mess Beth has to clean up" didn't quite do that for me.
I was reading on dreams- trying to figure out mine, which have been coloring my waking state lately.
I found out I'm not the only one who can tend to lay, semi-awake and pinned down. For good reason, I suppose, I was pinned, by my own body! Because, in REM sleep, your body releases a chemical to paralyze you, so you can't act out your dreams. (Sleep walkers, etc, have an issue where this doesn't quite happen). I was waking up while still naturally paralyzed! They say this is perhaps the basis of "visiting with an incubi or a succubi", something I did a short blog about about a month ago.
I am an extremely imaginative person, I think--- not only am I someone who tends to dream in livid color, and mix what I know with bad horror movies (The B-grade, or lower ones, my brother and his friends like), with other references. I remember many where I walked in this jazz-filled netherworld, of neither wall, ceiling or floor, with neon signs bearing nasty things people had told me about me. Homer Simpson did something like this- with the neon signs bearing messages of dismay. I managed to take a lot of those messages to heart.
The one where a little mouse named Sigmund joins me and sings and analyzes me in a Czech accent are weird, but I can kind of live with those. I might even do something with little Sigmund. Apparently, he's a mix of my Czech pediatrician "Oh, Bait-a-knee! We make you big and strong, yes? Of course, yes!" and Sigmund Freud. Only I would have a little mouse in my dreams that is pretty much a little psychiatrist. And yes, he does say "Tell me about your mother" or "Tunnels. Hmmm, I know what you're thinking about, bad girl!" He occasionally sits and clucks his tongue sympathetically while eating popcorn off to the side during nightmares. Freak. Those, weird me out more!
So, now you've been in my brain. Are you scared?
Ps. interesting tidit: If a person becomes blind after birth, they are able to see images in their dreams.
As I lost hearing due to illness at 18 months, and again at 24 months... (Fevers are bad, I tell ya)... I wonder if that's why generally, the sound does tend to be extremely muted. It's like watching with a TV at 8, you can hear if you get close and lean in. A lot of my dreams flash words at me to communicate.
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