In August, I made a big promise: to quit being so sensitive and honest, my family doesn't appreciate it, and I hate myself when I let things bug me that wouldn't bug anyone else.
I'm going to give up the damn stuffed skunk. 27 years is enough time with a stuffed animal, and it's falling apart.
I'm going to be more aggressive, less nice, I think...it just gets me hurt. I'm going to pull my head out of my ass and quit yelling at me for letting assholes into my life. I made choices, it's not like I was entirely innocent and went without warning. I'm irritated with me... while I did not succumb to an urge to pull out my own hair or go at myself, I did eat something that I knew I shouldn't. I realized I haven't been as careful with my facts and figures as I thought, having taught myself math to pass a GED and get rid of the useless IEP diploma. I chose to wallow in my pain rather than honestly say "I'm not comfortable with YOU and your plans for me." I chose to bitch out of anger and pain. I wallowed this week. I'm such a fucking shit!
You and I are a lot alike. And you are no fucking shit. There is so much more that we could give to the world if we stopped taking in those 'ugly puppies' - I learned an important lesson from my hubby and that is that if all you get is pain out of a relationship than it is time to get rid of that person.
ReplyDeleteDon't give up your niceness, just don't give it away to everyone. Stay lovely and sweet but keep the best parts of you for the ones that deserve it (yourself first, too, hun)
I'm just irritated. Too much happens at once, and even I get emo.
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