I blog gluten-free

Friday, January 28, 2011

A Tough Look at Me

A website did an article on "I'm Single Because..."
Well, let's see...
1)I am generally unhealthy. This can scare off men
2)I get shy when meeting men... often I'll go for a handshake first or attempt to meet them with a lot of sarcastic humor. I'm a big sissy and can put up quite a front.
3)I don't go for "In your face" type sexy... I save my filthiest, and my more aggressive, for the bedroom. And it takes me a while to get there.
4)I'm sometimes awkward in conversation- English is actually difficult for me, and I have to work hard to have a conversation.
5)I hide a few things. It's true.
6)I can't have sex without feeling something for a man. This means... if it's JUST SEX- prepare for pain, because I won't be open for you.
7)I'm still working on my confidence. Admittedly, someone will tell me, that I'm pretty, and it will still shock me.
8) I've become somewhat comfortable with having a lot of friends, but no real intimacy.
9) I still wonder if I'm paying penance for, after a bad relationship, and trying something, with a sweet friend with whom, there was mutual love, and getting scared by it- and telling them they were too good for me. We stayed friends, and attempted a reconciliation. Then they were MIA in Iraq- and then confirmed KIA. So much for that. I broke a heart... as he said, and death intervened before we could fully repair ourselves.
10) I have a lot of nightmares
11) I have an easier time being a "cute friend"... the "Sweet Girl"and/or a "a little doll" to be sweet to, but never really seen as more.
12)I've had guys break up with me because they wanted to "fix" me. I was born with no enamel on my teeth, for example- one guy kept torturing me about it... why else do you think I refuse to smile with my lips open half the time?- and while yes, I'd like to fix that, at present, it's difficult to do so. Don't order me around to do something, if you know I cannot do so on my own power.
13)I have a lot of allergies and food-related issues, as well as a prematurity-related gag reflex. (Say no more, right?) While I'm willing to help, I understand how draining that is.
14)I'm awkward in some ways... balance off, eye hand coordination, etc, and while I know I worked hard to learn, and have tested above 150 in IQ, I feel a little dumb and awkward. Particularly as I have only a basic grasp of math because I taught myself. I also have some meningitis related damage to my brain, affecting my balance and EHC.
You know, something? I have survived a lot though, and I like me. If I'm forever single, I'll be happy with some hand picked friends. I'm a fighter. And when I'm flirted with, or told I'm sexy, sure it flummoxes me, but it's nice. I appreciate all kindnesses, I appreciate an honest person. And, well, there's got to be another oddball out there. And I'll actually attempt a date or two again. I'm rusty though. But I'll figure it out!


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