Well, let's see...
1)I am generally unhealthy. This can scare off men
2)I get shy when meeting men... often I'll go for a handshake first or attempt to meet them with a lot of sarcastic humor. I'm a big sissy and can put up quite a front.
3)I don't go for "In your face" type sexy... I save my filthiest, and my more aggressive, for the bedroom. And it takes me a while to get there.
4)I'm sometimes awkward in conversation- English is actually difficult for me, and I have to work hard to have a conversation.
5)I hide a few things. It's true.
6)I can't have sex without feeling something for a man. This means... if it's JUST SEX- prepare for pain, because I won't be open for you.
7)I'm still working on my confidence. Admittedly, someone will tell me, that I'm pretty, and it will still shock me.
2)I get shy when meeting men... often I'll go for a handshake first or attempt to meet them with a lot of sarcastic humor. I'm a big sissy and can put up quite a front.
3)I don't go for "In your face" type sexy... I save my filthiest, and my more aggressive, for the bedroom. And it takes me a while to get there.
4)I'm sometimes awkward in conversation- English is actually difficult for me, and I have to work hard to have a conversation.
5)I hide a few things. It's true.
6)I can't have sex without feeling something for a man. This means... if it's JUST SEX- prepare for pain, because I won't be open for you.
7)I'm still working on my confidence. Admittedly, someone will tell me, that I'm pretty, and it will still shock me.
8) I've become somewhat comfortable with having a lot of friends, but no real intimacy.
9) I still wonder if I'm paying penance for, after a bad relationship, and trying something, with a sweet friend with whom, there was mutual love, and getting scared by it- and telling them they were too good for me. We stayed friends, and attempted a reconciliation. Then they were MIA in Iraq- and then confirmed KIA. So much for that. I broke a heart... as he said, and death intervened before we could fully repair ourselves.
10) I have a lot of nightmares
11) I have an easier time being a "cute friend"... the "Sweet Girl"and/or a "a little doll" to be sweet to, but never really seen as more.
12)I've had guys break up with me because they wanted to "fix" me. I was born with no enamel on my teeth, for example- one guy kept torturing me about it... why else do you think I refuse to smile with my lips open half the time?- and while yes, I'd like to fix that, at present, it's difficult to do so. Don't order me around to do something, if you know I cannot do so on my own power.
13)I have a lot of allergies and food-related issues, as well as a prematurity-related gag reflex. (Say no more, right?) While I'm willing to help, I understand how draining that is.
9) I still wonder if I'm paying penance for, after a bad relationship, and trying something, with a sweet friend with whom, there was mutual love, and getting scared by it- and telling them they were too good for me. We stayed friends, and attempted a reconciliation. Then they were MIA in Iraq- and then confirmed KIA. So much for that. I broke a heart... as he said, and death intervened before we could fully repair ourselves.
10) I have a lot of nightmares
11) I have an easier time being a "cute friend"... the "Sweet Girl"and/or a "a little doll" to be sweet to, but never really seen as more.
12)I've had guys break up with me because they wanted to "fix" me. I was born with no enamel on my teeth, for example- one guy kept torturing me about it... why else do you think I refuse to smile with my lips open half the time?- and while yes, I'd like to fix that, at present, it's difficult to do so. Don't order me around to do something, if you know I cannot do so on my own power.
13)I have a lot of allergies and food-related issues, as well as a prematurity-related gag reflex. (Say no more, right?) While I'm willing to help, I understand how draining that is.
14)I'm awkward in some ways... balance off, eye hand coordination, etc, and while I know I worked hard to learn, and have tested above 150 in IQ, I feel a little dumb and awkward. Particularly as I have only a basic grasp of math because I taught myself. I also have some meningitis related damage to my brain, affecting my balance and EHC.
You know, something? I have survived a lot though, and I like me. If I'm forever single, I'll be happy with some hand picked friends. I'm a fighter. And when I'm flirted with, or told I'm sexy, sure it flummoxes me, but it's nice. I appreciate all kindnesses, I appreciate an honest person. And, well, there's got to be another oddball out there. And I'll actually attempt a date or two again. I'm rusty though. But I'll figure it out!
You know, something? I have survived a lot though, and I like me. If I'm forever single, I'll be happy with some hand picked friends. I'm a fighter. And when I'm flirted with, or told I'm sexy, sure it flummoxes me, but it's nice. I appreciate all kindnesses, I appreciate an honest person. And, well, there's got to be another oddball out there. And I'll actually attempt a date or two again. I'm rusty though. But I'll figure it out!
No comments:
Post a Comment