It Does Not Amount To a Hill of Beans

You know those delightfully awful days where, your friends manage, without realizing it, to occasionally make you feel a little dumb, or say things that instead of being taken as they usually are, instead, you become offended?

Sure, I've been having the "Yucky Days" for a while. The usual preceeding to the yearly knock-down drag out "SICK!" that happens in winter. Now, I'm sore, don't want anything not fluid, and I bruise if I sneeze! And the back pain... ugh. But so many are in pain, being hurt, hurting themselves! How dare I complain! I'm ALWAYS sick. I'm always grieving! How dare I even think that offering my cheer up messages will amount to a fucking hill of beans when good people are getting fucked over! My problems are so silly in comparison!
I want so much to bring back my usual goofiness and light, I try to force it. No, I can't do that. I made progress... I'm letting myself be dragged into the dark, and fucking it up?!
Goddamn... I need to help me.
I can be there for others, sure. They still have to deal with themselves, as I have to, with me. I can't complain, I haven't let someone help me for years, it'd be silly! But I can be a help, I think. No, I gotta get it out, and then go find my place.