Catching A Liar- Maybe Not as Easy as A-B-C 1-2-3

I was married to a terrible, constant liar with a love for sex where he could find it, whether it be single 40 year old divorcee or wife curled up in bed sick. He also had a penchant for stealing. He went by on charm... Look I came from an abusive family, but I'm a nice guy... at first, it even worked on stone-hearted, anti-romantic me, who thought, "Aww, an ugly puppy! I've got to help him!" (Stupid, stupid, stupid!) Yeah, I have a habit of occasionally adopting ugly "puppies"... my neighbor's trained pitbull when I lived in a very ethnic area showed a different side than "Me pitbull, Me killer" with me. Then again, there's mutts and then there's mutts of the human sort.
Major ways of telling liars and calling them out when they fucked with me, thinking "She's sweet and gentle, can't tell a lie to save her life, must mean that she can't tell when I'm lying" developed throughout my marriage. Sure, I'm no lie detector. I honestly (Someone who says "Honestly" can actually be a liar. I need to watch that, and you need to watch for context there) want to believe people. I want to believe there's good in everyone, that while we will never supercede our humanity, we can still be good, honest people, and better as we grow. And I get my heart broken when people choose instead, to be dishonest and hurt others. Time and time again.

Now look,
I know there's sarcasm... I use it myself. I call myself an old hag out of pure sarcastic intent. This is saying something false or the exact opposite of intention, whether to blow off steam, break the ice, or just be silly. 

There's lying to protect yourself or another. I've done that...a sort of Jean Valjean reflex. "I sneezed and my eye just blew up?" Yeah, great lie, Beth. But, I thought Mom, and my baby needed protecting, and wouldn't be if I said what had really happened. None of that makes it right.

Then there was "No, I don't know what you're talking about. I have nothing wrong with me"... to someone who was demeaning people of disabilities when I was having a bad day and unable to actually cover some of my issues.
(Oh, yeah, there's that. The biggest lie I tell. I sometimes attempt to disguise issues... however, watching me sit on any given day or strain to hear, will sometimes give me away.) 

Some basic traits I've found in the unapologetic liar are:
1)Think some people are "TOO" honest- How do you quantify that?
2)Will respond, if they feel threatened by a pretense shattering, with behavior that doesn't fit. "I told you to shut your mouth! Don't make me look stupid again" in the middle of a fancy dinner when you answer a question that shows them as being dishonest. 

3)Tending towards behaviors, including sexual, that become their whole lives, and getting mad when people disagree.

4) The sudden voice change. I've seen deep voiced men who, when confronted or in the middle of a lie, suddenly become sopranos. And this is without a boot to the crotch.

5)Asking questions in response to questions.
6)Staring you down- it says "Call me a liar, I dare you!"- although I have had to do the opposite and force a liar to look at me. Don't try that with someone willing to protect lies with force. 

7) Victim blaming. "You make me..." "Well, you cheated on me." (Sometimes cheating can be brought in to shame by using the classic "Well, you can't rape or shame a whore." routine) My favorite was : "You make me hit you". This isn't the 3rd grade game of "Look something on your shirt--thwack!" If you hit, you, your brain and muscles go together to flex and move the arm.
This isn't all to do with what I've experienced. Some of it merely by seeing.

8) Everyone but me is stupid. Self - explanatory to a point. Apparently by getting mad, we are hopelessly old fashioned, entrenched in rusty old morals and books.
9) the Poor Me attitude. "My parents never loved me, so therefore I get a free pass"--- BUZZER! I've had a tough life, I don't think that gives me a pass to hurt as I've been hurt. Indeed, I think it means that I get off my ass and do something about it. And help others.
10) Shaming. By making a victim look publically stupid "You should hear Beth when she stutters, so funny!" or "Beth said (Insert embarrassing mistake here)"... or as in the case with one friend and her boyfriend "Oh, you're cute. You don't know history, Maggie? Guess you slept through that class." I've seen myself and others bow the head and whimper "sorry" for this. I've also been pissed that that happened and made a vow.

Look, we aren't perfect. Hell, I screw up all the time. But... lying for the sake of lying, is wrong. If you do, and you will, it is what we do, acknowledge, say your apologies and actually act towards changing yourself. You, and only you, are responsible for your actions, you and only you are responsible for your words, deeds and thoughts.