On October 15th, I wrote up the Purple Pumpkin Project. At the time, I figured I'd look for support for me... I was in a little of a low place at the time and hunting up whatever links and info I could find. In that time, I have been graced to find more information than I knew existed, to begin compiling lists of societies... to learn of various treatments, of varying efforts to show faith, for closure, for awareness, for something I thought only existed in shadows... because at one time, my family whispered about it... it was a shameful reality. I had "a problem". How do you solve a problem like Beth? There were meetings, various treatments discussed but too expensive, insurance saying "Are you kidding?" There was a time I thought it was all over... and the shame of having to say "It came back." Oh, that was a frightening moment. That was a hellish week of trying to decide.
Why should I be frightened?
Epilepsy is not a curse. It should not be a death sentence, nor a personality flaw. It is not demons attacking, I do not need an exorcist.
I am finding, in my own way, support... by learning to speak, by learning to give. When you give, you are given. Seek not to be understood, but to understand, and I am getting that... seek not to be consoled, but to console...and that, I am getting too .
I fight, I talk, because so many can't yet. I am not ashamed, because I do not have reason to be.
I have to be the change, the light, I want to see... as the song goes... yes, yes, it does begin with me.