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Saturday, February 5, 2011

A Long, Strange Trip

Dating me is probably a real trip. Let's face it... I'm stubborn. And it takes me quite a while to work up to touching you- I still have a few minute issues when dealing with men. But now, I can stand closer than 10 feet from a man.
*I don't-and won't settle. If something is "off" I no longer ignore it. I will only be with you, because I like you. And because I'm willing to work to be comfortable with you. I might push...you might have to pull back. I'm not simple to work with. Nor am I a "fixer-upper". I am me, stubborn, sarcastic, silly and occasionally accidentally self effacing.
*I have a few major deal breakers. Keep reading.
*I will not tell polite lies.
*If I like you, I like you. Period. This doesn't mean you can act like a horse's ass without me saying "Hey! Fucker! Knock it off!"
*I am appreciative of any tiny kindness, which, is HUGE for me. Every day, 100 things make me question my faith in humanity. And every day, a million small ones tell me I do know good people. I'm not naive. But I don't know how people *usually* handle things.
Now onto dealbreakers:
"Let me fix you"--- Oh, no fucker. Like me for me.
"I have had a tough life, I can do what I want"--- Oh, my darling-dear. I can quote you chapter and verse. And I'm not sorry to say: No, you can use that to help others, to learn lessons. You have to make choices. It doesn't matter if Mama never loved you. YOU are responsible, as an adult for YOUR words, YOUR decisions. YOU are responsible, NOT Mama. And if you are in your late 20's to mid 40's, and Mama still runs you, well, that's a deal-breaker too.
"Your friends are bad influences"- OUT!
Babying me... I like taking care of, and being taken care of (Yes, I do believe that one repays the smallest kindnesses, with MORE kindness. Be sure to let someone know when they've helped you.)- look, this is tough ground. I am not an infant. I don't want to be treated as though I have no brain in my head. Holding me? Helping when I'm sick (Angels fear to tread, when I am the patient.) An affectionate nickname? I give those out to those I feel affection towards. But there are names like snookums or pumpkin that kind of trigger a gag reflex. By the way, yes, in some ways, I AM naive. I blush, or screw up dirtier terms most knew by now. My sex education is stilted. My math skills are very basic- you see, I taught myself. And math is not one of my "good" subjects. But I have measured over a 150 IQ. And I fight to stay sharp. I am naive, not stupid. Don't treat or make me feel as such.
*I do make mistakes in English. You see, though, this is not easy for me. I did not speak until I was nearly 5. I have a hard time translating what I think into English and mystify people. But I am making an effort--- with face, voice, hands, and body, to make myself clear to you. I do not ask for much more than an attempt to meet me half way there.
*Not understanding that I do not hear high pitched noises, and therefore, cannot tell when the smoke detector needs a battery (Indeed, one carbon monoxide detector I had once had gone off for days before someone with sharper ears visited and realized I was sick AND heard the beep beep beep.)I also do not hear from behind. Grab my arm, gently turn me... do not think you're being ignored if you're getting nothing talking to the back of my head. I will be annoyed by breath down my back, but other than that. If you insist on speaking to my pony tail, I'll assume you're a weirdo.
*I goof off. I do flirt sometimes. I'm single, you see.. but I will not tease. If I am not interested, then you have a friend. Or else, some person who is a friendly stranger.
*I may have a hard time at first, getting close- but trust me, I will attempt to subtly let you know if I like you.
*Don't assume. Talk TO me.
*Know that there are things that only a privileged few will EVER know.
*I am blunt. If you don't like it, honey, there's the door.
*I am ferociously protective of those I care about.
*I have health issues. Sometimes, those will take over, and I have to rest. And this is difficult.
*I do not rest easily.
My biggest deal breaker is: If you need to gain control by force, and you ever act violently towards me, I will call the cops first, ask questions later.
*Lying to me? Yup, there's the door.
*Embarrassing me to make you feel/ look good. Out, damned spot!
There are things I will only say one on one, if I know you. And I have to trust you.

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