I blog gluten-free

Saturday, February 12, 2011

All Is Well, Safely Rest...

"Fake it 'til you make it" has been bandied about so much... I even got it in a simple coffee-house-discussion one fine day. I am the queen of the "fake it 'til you make it maneuver"- that is, slapping on what I hope looks like a genuine smile, and acting. (During my marriage, I could very well have been at least a contender for Best Actress.)
I can smell the "Oh, I'm OK" from a mile away... generally, it's the first sign I look for to figure out if someone is, truly, OK. It is, when we are sitting quietly, that our true emotions do show... repose can show sadness kept at bay, or if you're having difficulty holding back a smile or tears. (It's generally when I've been sitting back quietly, and just in my own little world, and I do suppose I have one- when people are most apt to offer "Are you ok"?
And I have, in the years, become the master of "Oh, fine! I'm good. I'm OK"- even if I wasn't. Sometimes, I can say "Oh, just being quiet."
I have made mistakes, sure... but I stand by a code of ethics that says "If someone's hurting, you make sure they have someone to be there for them. You do not watch someone bleed, you staunch the blood. You help them until they truly are, OK. Be quiet, let them get it out, but ensure that people know their worth." It is true: I cannot rest until I know "All is well". (From the lakes, to the hills, to the sky---all is well, safely rest..."
To feel as if I have hurt someone, and deeply, kills me. Just as I cannot violate my code, I cannot, even in connection to me, allow anyone to hurt themselves.
I will not stand by and let someone call themselves worthless, I just can't. It's not in me, and I will wish like hell that I could honestly show them all their worth. I will not toy with people. And I will pray like hell (irony?) to find a way to just be there. We are called, to love, to guide, to care. Not to judge- hence, if a person is not in my presence, I will not allow negative comments on them- and not to allow someone to be alone in the Land of Pain.
Straddling two worlds, as I do by necessity, I wish like hell that I could say that it is not a cold, dark dangerous world where those closest hurt us most. It is. But WE can, if not be perfect, still, not let the darkness harden and kill us and our souls.

No comments:

Post a Comment