Over a week ago, during a time where I could not, if I tried, control my body, I managed to grind my teeth just right and rip out a filling... I got myself into a dental appointment, with my delightful, (if dentists can be delightful... I somehow walk in thinking it'll be something out of Little Shop of Horrors... far too many times dealing with prematurity-and-diet-induced dental issues I think.) All I did was manage to tear out a filling, and had that repaired with a recommendation to be more careful and told "Well, you needed one easy appointment!" I also have to talk to an oral surgeon... I have four wisdom teeth that tried their best but never quite prospered, and one rather un-salvageable back tooth. With luck, I'm told my rather crooked bottom teeth will straighten out, as they're a bit crowded. Looking better, however! I'd like to thank electric toothbrush, (rather than cheap dollar store brush that sheds nylon bristles), hard work, and Arm & Hammer Complete, my dentist, and well, me, who spends a lot of time with that brush. And of course, Biotene, when I have medicine-induced dryness.
Along with appointments and chasing down forms to fill out that I never received (I love politely dunning letters saying "Oh, you didn't send in Article IV, Section IX, Subsection MCXLV, and as a result, we are forcing you to play catch-up and rectify our mistake on the double.") I also have a test I sort of dreaded coming up. A 48-hour EEG... gauze, wires and a baseball cap, with no stimulants or showers for 2 days (I need both my coffee and time with Rubber Duckie daily--and I realize that with the Good Vibes tool shaped like said duck having become a popular toy, that that sounds dirtier than intended. Don't care.) I'm thinking...that since I'm already dealing with problems on a new medication (that when I said "Um, this isn't working", was told "You're getting used to it! Keep it up!" and because going minus caffeine might cause a shock to the system, if I should simply carefully cut it down. I'm already in an elimination phase with some foods, and really don't want results that don't quite match with daily life.)
Currently working on stress and "Here's my problem. How do I fix this and avoid more frights and anxiety?" And will have to explain "I'm not hiding, really, but sometimes, I need to take a time out." sometime.
If there's a problem, by God, I had better fix it. No more scaring myself silly.
No more letting people put their own anxieties and problems onto me. I always say, "I'm stepping back". I'm doing it. Period. I can't be frightened lest someone should tell me that I don't fit into slots A, B, or C, or that I need to control something I can't help, (up to and including natural textures or that I'm not quite built right) and focus on what I can. It's a crazy, upside down, mad, mad, mad, mad world. And, when it comes to it, I am built upside down in some ways. I am a topsy-turvey girl and can handle it.
Also: I will avoid using certain words to either avoid confrontation, which I hate, or to deliberately shock someone when I have been angered. I will not be afraid of anger (although, you know, nice girls don't get mad, and they slap on a happy face)---and will find a way to let it out... constructively. Bozo the Clown, or whatever that punching bag thingie is... I'm coming for you. Confrontation? That's another story. Another time, another place.