The past year had many good points. And I am grateful, from the bottom of my heart for those who helped me and showed me a sunnier world. Right now, the family animosity after Grandma's death, her battle last year, and her death almost a year ago, horrible fights that sapped my reserves and made me feel like I had to be aggressive to protect myself, the weird threats I've had in E-mail boxes because apparently, I asked for things I would never ask for, feeling like I will be losing someone close to me, illness, dehydration, and the heat and humidity are all combining to kick my ass.
I don't know if I can cry, but I do need to lean- and before it is said, yes, I have "help", yes, I do have my "antennae" apparently up when they aren't supposed to be, yes, I know I'm OK, I know I'm safe, and no, I never have the intention of turning away people who care for me, or shutting them out- protecting, them yes.
You see... you don't walk through hell, without getting singed a few times, and if I can help it, I prefer not to let others hurt as I have. So I've made mistakes, but I've also figured out a few things.
I have a future, I have to think---to make maps, to work. I have to focus on that. But I am exhausted and frustrated.
Please be careful in the heat--- stay hydrated, please use the AC if you need it.
And if you do need help, speak. If you need to judge, for people to think as you do, however, please, kindly get help. That brand of tough love never helps anyone, including the person giving it.