I have known in my life, my fair share of odd, goofy, silly, sweet and even dickish men.
My personal favorite dick- "Favorite" here meaning "Biggest"
is a "warrant officer" who shared a name with the annoying slap-chop guy.For these purposes, I will call him "Biggus Dickus".
Biggus seems charming off the bat, if you don't mind crying into his beer (For God's sake, you're a 6'3" 240 pound man with a stringy mustache! And you're in what passed for a nightclub in a Godforsaken shithole town!) grabbing at women, acting like he is better than all, and odd phone calls. Also, the times I tried to be nice, I usually ended up with a bruised wrist because he'd grab on and I couldn't pull away- not someone I'd be willing to try to work with again.
On my birthday, one year, he tried to insist on "y'know, comin' ova"... I politely told him the Jersey Shore schtick (Sorry, dude, in Puerto Rico and Italy, there may be Latin roots, but one generally can tell one from the other)- and our area does have the capability to pronounce "r"s and words like "Pause" without adding a superfluous "W". A cod "Joisey" accent ain't sexy, y' know what I'm sayin'? Sadly, the words "Dude, seriously? I'm having fun. And sorry, the Jersey Shore thing has my vulva in hiding and she won't come out". popped out unbidden. Hey, it was a day for friends, not complete and total wankers.
The favorite though, is the night we were all at Denny's at 3AM (this is not a bad thing...Denny's is fun at 3AM.) I and a few friends were discussing things, enjoying coffees, and bammo, here he was, and smelling like the floor of a saloon at closing time, along with Brut cologne, which he'd overdosed on. (Please, for God's sake... men, you have a natural musk...affectionately called "Man Stink"... a little good shampoo, some good soap (I'm partial to Irish spring, but even Ivory works) and maybe, and this is NOT necessary- maybe a bit of cologne if you must (A BIT!) and you're right as rain! Don't over do it on the cologne... some of us can catch the Man Stink easily, and easier than others, and anything else will mess with sensitive noses.) Seeing me, as he talked to "mutual friends" (Who wondered why I was being nice to him, he'd ruined his chances with them) he smacked my butt as I went back to the table and said loudly "Hey, kid, what'ya say, I got money". "Good. You can pay for the coffee I'm going to throw up right now." Guess you can say, I didn't love his nuts.
Look, there's a way to treat people. It goes mutually--- respect...and understand---some people are a bit more sensitive, this doesn't mean walk on them, it means be careful with them. Yes, love all, even the awful, precisely because they're human, and made in God's image- help those who need help, know when to quit, and here's a clue, do not cause physical injury to someone who tries to help you simply because they don't let you close. Or emotional. And do not play with people: be honest.
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