In taking time off to heal...because frankly, in most situations, my body was there but my brain might as well have been shut down like a computer and I went through numerous sets of Imitrex injectors for migraines that followed, and well, everything had begun to grate on me, I accidentally shed people I cared for, but frankly, made my heart break- (Hence-take time to find new stress relief, learn who I am and work on making changes stick)-
I'm still a little shaky and heart broken... I have been trying, (Too many causes for grief in a short period, with no time to heal between them) but I cannot as of yet, pull myself out of a shaky cycle. Things that don't usually bother me are terrifying me. I haven't been able to shake illnesses... revenge of the PCOS- (poly-cystic ovarian syndrome, which, along with endometriosis, I had surgery done to relieve symptoms in 2002) has really shaken me... some days I cannot move to go get a glass of water without pain- has come and gone since March. This and nightmares don't help me in the slightest.
And to know--- I may have to tell someone some harsh truths. Someone has changed in a bad way... become demanding, insolent, insulting... unrepentantly refusing to see anyone's humanity... and thinking it's ok to insult. (Please note: I do not use names. However, in this case I am discussing a male figure.) Not being seen as a human, tossing an insult- a kiss and a smack is the way any conversations go, and wondering why I get uncomfortable, and thinking I will function as a personal Betsy Wetsy. One reason I have not been able to even think of visiting with them since December. And as personal Betsy Wetsies go, dude, I had no idea you were into water sports! (Ahem: Taking that literally is not the point intended. Here, Betsy Wetsy stands for "live doll" as Kleenex can stand for any type of disposable nose wiper as well as being a brand name.) That too... I am not a Kleenex---don't just talk to me because I'm convenient and "so sweet, I can say anything" and then acknowledge me only if you need to vent your spleen negatively.
My sarcasm filter, a life-saving device, is up. A brain to mouth filter is slowly dissolving, and I may get blunt. I am attempting honest, polite reasons as to why being around them is not an ability. Sorry, no, I don't have any desire to go to a Styx concert, no, I don't want to be alone with you... and the way you discuss a friend- a good friend who has supported everyone except herself makes me ill. How's that for brutally blunt? You're making me sick, and your smack and a kiss conversation method makes me ill. I don't take that from anyone. When you go to AA, aren't you supposed to practice humility, by the way? Dude... go back and read the manual.
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