You Might As Well Live

Is there sadness and grief in the world? Too, too commonplace. Can the heart grow heavy? Yes.

I'm going to try to think about simple joys... staring up at the stars, natural or artificial, places where I know I can eat like the picky minx I seem to have become, and not only will my mother, who I try to distract from life with a partner who is in what seems to be end stage Parkisons and can let the world eat at her, worry, but I will be kissed and chatted up a storm. I am not spiralling down a vortex, I won't, can't let myself. Things aren't perfect... Captain Obvious diagnoses and runarounds can drain you of a lot of spirit, constantly searching for answers and walking into brick walls, being exhausted, trying to break out of a shell you accidentally got into again... these aren't good, aren't fun. But won't hold me back. I won't look back... I'd like to be useful for something other than seasoning food.

Even spent five minutes laughing a little at Dorothy Parker and her beautifully sharp gallows humor, although my brain never went in that direction... life, and living it, at all costs, is too precious to me:

Razors pain you; 

Rivers are damp; 

Acids stain you; 

And drugs cause cramp. 

Guns aren’t lawful; 

Nooses give; 

Gas smells awful; 

You might as well live.

 _Resume, Dorothy Parker

But I was given an odd sense of humor for a reason, and what helps helps.

It's sunny, it's beautiful, I have fight, I have answers to get, asses to kick, and a life to live. The "I don't know you but I am an expert and you are___" opinions can all go where they belong. What's in God's hands is in his control, not mine. What is in my control, is how I choose to look at and react to the world. I am growing. I am healing. I am learning to just laugh when I must, to give myself what foods I want if I want them, and to not worry if I'm eating a bite or two at a time. I did hear vodka can open throats and stimulate appetite, and did joke that I might try this method, but I'm not the kind that drinks alone.