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Monday, August 27, 2012

Sod That!

Last time I went to my neurologist, it turned into this delightful routine.
"Well, (Full first name censored) Beth, we don't know what to do with you. Your EEGs are messed up, and the MRIs are a little... funky..." (I'm translating doctor-speak, although I prefer this one over Dr. This-Is-Your-Life-And-Here-Sign-This-Waiver-So-Sorry-A-Pretty-Girl-Like-You-Has-This... Your-Life-Is-Over. I walked out, of course.) But, we are reasonably sure you have...*whisper* black-outs..." I face-palmed, literally. The cracking noise must have been horrid. "Don't do that! You'll give yourself a migraine!" "That's also why I'm here," I said, and calmly collected my stress ball, my purse, and my phone, which I'd been whiling away waiting time with with a 1,500 point game of Space Invaders and was feeling good about until I was rudely interrupted and they killed me. Boo. Well, sod that for a game of soldiers. Before I left, I was given the new Demon Medication So Vile It Was Brewed In Satan's Asshole-Du Jour... which ironically, considering the effects I got, besides fever, chills, vomiting, dizziness and confusion... is billed as a mood stabilizer as well. I just wet myself. Congrats, best Neuro in the region! Your bedside manner makes me wish for a referral to Dr. Mengele, and that's pretty bad indeed. But, that had actually been a "good day" for me, characterized by me not wearing sunglasses indoors or wincing (too much) at lights directly in my eyes.

But September 5th: Double booked as usual...for this and the B-12 shots for pain (they've begun using smaller instruments for me... they're a little freaked out that I'm so easily bruised.) it's time to look them in the eye: "You are my doctors. I pay my insurance company, it pays you. I think that makes you my employee. If I feel wrong about your treatment, I have the right to say something. Nowhere does it make it right for you to make ridiculous assumptions. And any medication, in any dose, can mess with anyone. Period. Anti-seizure drugs are serious business, not a packet of Smarties. You are going to do something, not run tests you know lead to bad readings, not assuming... you are going to get to the bottom of this, or I will find someone who will."
That's right, as much as it pains me: I'm going to have to face down a healer with an attitude.

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