I'm not where I need to be... and lord knows, it's taking time... but answers I will get, and I have a light ahead of me, and no more darkness in my soul. I trust my soul, if I can trust nothing else. There's been enough hatred, anger and bleeding... what's not humanly understandable, I offer up to my God. I have no record of wrongs to keep, sure, some sadness, but it's time to go forward. It is now, here, that matters... the uncertainties and the whirlwind... well, come what may.
People go nuts... there's a need to chatter, the thirst to see the pile up on the Thru-Way. It's not the way. While loud voices may shout, a quiet voice needs to speak: It is now, it is the future, whatever's ahead, that matters. Not what coulda, woulda, shoulda, not baying for blood... see, loud voices go hoarse, and in the dark, you can hear a whisper.
I can't handle the anger of a multitude, or the hate machine that surrounds so much... that tends to infest, to cause fear, to cause self-loathing. This is true. But I learned a lot.
I am ME. I am whole. Not the sum of my parts... I am my bad, my good, my silly, my anxious. I am stronger than I know. I am not my illness. I am affected by my illness, but it is not me.
It is the now, the time of reaching down deep and recharging, that matters.
I will not miss life, I will not live in fear. My heart is what it is... and it heals, and it grows to make room. Hatred is no answer... hatred kills, hatred robs.
There is NOW. There is life, in her beauties... and there are so many.
. Ich weiß nicht, was soll es bedeuten,Daß ich so traurig bin
,--- I know not why I am so sad, but I move past that... towards my center.
My health? Nothing yet. And I square my shoulders and move forward.