Caging the Bird

I was sent on a massive loop-de-loop with Lamictal XR. This is after being given a warning of massive scary rashes, and a little orange folder complete with pills and an information packet that would make Dr. Mengele horrified.

Now, look... if I'm going to have my chain yanked and end up on a trip, I'd like to trip the light fantastic. People tell me all the time I haven't lived, I am so vanilla, blah blah blah. I hate to quote Mr. Mackey here, but one bad trip is enough for me, thank you, and I consider popping a fever and chills, to go with other fun reactions, to be enough for me, and I'll happily stick with caffeine. Drugs are bad, mmmkay? (Unless I need a spinal tap,  am coming out of surgery or am giving birth. In that case, load me up, Scotty!)

Look... I'm not sure... but I am almost certain I wasn't supposed to be dizzy, have trouble with confused thoughts, teary, anxious, and certainly not still struggling with blackouts. Nor should I have been so sore and exhausted I had no choice BUT to sit still unless I had to. I know a cup of soup does not take 30 minutes. And that I am not supposed to be sweating and shaking when the AC is on 66. So thank you, doctor, for taking me off, not wanting to put me on anything else. But um... the Topomax? Hint... hint... I would like to eat like a human, sil vous plait. And a conference call? So I can be yelled at for being anxious? You people get me sicker than a damn dog... and I have witnesses...and this is my fault as it was "such a low dose". Yes, I was popping Smarties each night. Sure! So I can give you one, Nurse Ratched? I'll advise you to remember: 1)The very instructions state: "If you have had an allergic reaction to any anti-seizure drug, do not use..." I developed hives and breathing issues on dilantin. 2)I have half the usual compliment of kidneys and process medications differently.

As for some things: yes, I was lucid, I remember, I meant them. I take full responsibility. I feel a little caged in myself, and I do know that needs to change.