People keep insisting I must be depressed... and while I've had my fair share of lunacy, lack of answers, made tough decisions that may or may not have been needed, and tried to keep out of others' ways while I attempted to sort my problems out... I'm not actually sad, really... not anymore. I guess I'm not saying it correctly, or people are looking for that smell of blood. I'm merely attempting to do more than survive and wait. I'm trying to simply laugh, appreciate the small victories, sort through things, work on the Centering Project, and find my places where, after the lunacy of it all... "We don't know, but here, try this medication", and wanting simply to feel normal, eat normal... yeah, I might be anxious. Thing is: this is not the first time I've dealt, won't be the last, and I know there's something good out there. But other peoples' anxieties and/ or their diagnosing... it's why I've perpetually hated "What's wrong?" "I have no answers, I need a little help, see... life is being crazy, and sometimes, yes, I need to break away from it for a bit." is not in my vocabulary.
Sure, there may be other thoughts and worries, but that's something to take up with the appropriate parties. Not attempting vagueness... this just makes noses twitch for blood. But I'm taking time for the happier things... not focusing on what's wrong, what's iffy, what sounds really strange to me right now but might be explained later. Maybe I sound immature and stupid to others, or like a dreamer on one hand... I'm not letting the discord get to me.
And if it's all too much, and too crazy, I'll find myself down by the water, where I'll be calmed instantly. I'll do what I have to, but I trust my soul, and I am going to smile. It's not what's right for anyone else, it's what's right for me.
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