I blog gluten-free

Thursday, March 3, 2011

She Abides...

Ways To Beat Stress That I'm Going To Attempt

1) Re-Take-Up Darts.
Those tiny Post-Its are good for more than book marks. When you absolutely, positively, cannot bear to look at a photograph of someone who pisses you off, then try this- write the name down, stick 'em up. Throw dart.  Ahhhhhhhh... relief!

2) Think of Yoda Porn.
Yes, you're absolutely horrified imagining Yoda THAT way. No, you won't want to do it long (heh). BUT... imagining Yoda saying certain things-whether it be "Long time, me love you"... or "Delivery in rear, you must" are good for a little chuckle. Sure. You might tear up. Sure, it's horrifying. But, you can get at least a dry laugh. I really need to pray for forgiveness- the idea is just satanically awful.

3) Hot baths. Most often, I prefer the art of a shower to get clean. But... on occasion, I like to fill up the tub and just lay there in the hot bubbles. Until it gets cold or I get sleepy. I will not make the mistake of sleeping in a bath again!

4)Classic TV.
The stuff my parents remember from childhood, and I remember from my bundled-up sick days.

5) Pop in a movie. Zone out, or watch intently. Either/or. Food important. The dudette abides. Or, to quote the hilarious Two Gentlemen of Lebowski- really, check it out. I think even Shakespeare would like it- "The dude abideth".

6) I love buying books. I try to get a new one each month. It may take me a short time to get through most, and I do tend to re-read quite a few times, but it's something special. I toss, without guilt, those I don't like (No more cheapies!) and refuse romance novels.

7)Try my hand at parodying a romance novel. (Sir Prat and Lady Slutskaya stood in a raging windstorm. Slutskaya turns to Prat and inquires just why they're standing in a cyclone shirtless and with dress torn, "Do we look sexy or stupid?" "What the hell do YOU think?!" And then Shakespeare murders them in their sleep. Wait- I said slasher fiction, right? )


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