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Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Beth's Quantum Leap

On a chilly March day, just before spring, Miss Beth smacks herself right in the head (Shoulda had a V-8!). And with that, Beth realizes she has been leaping in her own way... trying to put right what is wrong, one step at a time, feeling bad if a baby in Timbuktu cannot burp... and attempting to ensure her babies are OK- "Something is not right, something is not right") She leaps and leaps again...attempting to choke down a momentary feeling of panic, and keep others sane. And hoping...each leap--is the leap home. 

Dear Lord... I am overstimulated and can't relax. I'm watching people self-destructing and getting a little freaked out. I feel everything, can't help that... part of my personality. I do need to find a way to use that constructively. For now, I breathe in the smell of lavender... I got my sleep in, the weather changes are also making me loony.
Skeletal defects and nerve problems seem to be more of an issue at night, with weather changes of the most unsettled variety. It is time, I think, to temporarily get the hell out of here... maybe waiting for Lent to end is not such a hot idea... I'm unsettled now, I will be more unsettled in April, one of my "hell months"- but I don't like me like this, knowing I can have fun and not be all sorts of malfunctioning and short-circuiting. For now, the message I'm getting though is "TOO MUCH! TOO MUCH!" So much pain, so much confusion... and I can see it even when it gets denied. As the Queen of the Fake It 'Til You Make It move, I smirk a little when I see others try it. You can't fool the fooler, yo. But this one, is very tired.

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