I have been fighting with big issues: religion (not faith-I know, and stand firmly on what I believe.)- although time spent with G, the book of Job and some of Luke (the story of the centurion)- helped refresh me, if not give me answers yet- myself and my usual over-sensitivity- at this point, I am wonky and need to "defrag" the brain a bit... I am often accused of being a little oversensitive and at this point, little things are weirding me out... I have to sort through 12 years of craziness, deal with me, answer questions to myself, among other things...and a death I thought I was pretty well-through mourning became refreshed for me, thanks to the insanity of a perverted old man.
I am the type that takes a while to heal- I'll get a wound, even from slamming a hand in a door-happens more often than I'd like it to- and it will take 6 months or more to heal. I had a kidney/bladder infection in January, and I'm still fighting the last of the effects. And, well-- if pain is "in the air", I'll feel it acutely.
Lately, the unsettled transitory weather has my right leg- the longer one that I tend to naturally put my weight on, particularly as my scoliosis has me listing to the right- is on fire! It never does fail, though, seasons change, and my body becomes a fireball.
Because of all that, I am unsettled, and am oversensitive to the point where things that I either ignore easily or don't bother me are suddenly thorns in my side. To avoid the risk of accidentally saying something absolutely horrible, or taking it out on someone, I'm trying to just stay quiet. It is in the silence that the answers come, or so I've been told by a friend who is a monk that once lived in a silent order.
I am going for the simple--- no heavy subjects, just sweet and simple humor.
This Lent is my season of reflection, yes... but... I cannot reflect on the wrong things, or those I am not yet ready for.
I am going to try to just be quiet, breathe, let the answers come to me, rather than chasing them. I can put heavy decisions on standby for now. There will always be one, and they can be gotten to when the time is right.
I can "take a quiet walk listening to 'Dust In The Wind' " all I like, but what I really need is to try to let me heal.
But... Lord, I am not worthy to receive you, but say the word, and I shall be healed. Amen.