I blog gluten-free

Friday, April 6, 2012

Poodle Skirts, Saddle Shoes and Beehives...Oh My!

The Rookie has some gorgeous satire (the blog background strikes me, as it reminds me of something from my mom's mid-to-late 60's high school yearbook.)

How to Be A Lady "rocked my socks" as it were. It does help to know what sarcasm is, otherwise, heaven help you.

How To Be A Lady, Rookie Mag

Tip 1:
The only non-sarcastic truths from this tip on grooming would be
A)Wash yourself and your hair. You, everyday, your hair, every day to every other day, depending on texture.
B)If you like perfumes, find a signature scent. I like light florals, the clean stuff. But I'm working on a display for Grandma's perfumes (If this is wrong and I've accidentally given the title of a porn flick, then let it go, it happens ALL the time.) From her "Evening in Paris" perfume, to her "Opium" and the unopened bottle and box of Miss Dior. Which I'll put next to my own, Pure Grace. Try to make your own signature scent. Which means, get to know yourself.

Tip 2:
Everybody pees. Among other things. If you know there is no hiding that you are a piddler, then have some fun. Stock your water closet with good cooking magazines, books, whatever. I find Twilight comes in handy when I run out of toilet paper. Since I'm in there so much, with kidney issues, I'm seriously considering putting a disco ball in there. Gives "Do the Hustle" a whole new meaning, does it not?

Tip  3:
Clean, neat clothing. If you happen to have hips that cannot hold up pants: BUY A GOOD BELT. Also, go get measured. TRUST ME.

Tip 4:
Study. Try to learn as much about the world as you can, including the gory stuff. But...don't forget to LIVE. A bookworm can find themselves to be rather terrified by the world if they're not careful. But remember that your experiences will not be others'. Just because one person had the shot at being rebellious, etc doesn't mean that the person who is scared of their own shadow and of acting up is wrong. Don't think that if you've experienced it, everyone has to.

Tip 5:
Sometimes, "Get bent!" can come in handy on dates.
Eat the way you must for your health. Trying not to eat in front of people, or worrying about what it looks like you're doing (I happen to like whole, salted cucumbers. At one point, we were at such a clean part of the Baltic that it was possible to snip off cucumber tips and dunk them in the water...cold and salty-- yes, it looks like I'm doing untoward things to Shrek. I don't care!) is really silly. Food is there to nourish and be enjoyed. Screw "What must it look like?" and just freaking dig in.

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