The Bethglish-to-English Dictionary, Submissions Welcome

I am considering my own dictionary. No matter how often I say that I'd like to "Seek not to be understood, but to understand", I realize I have my own language, politely known as Bethglish. So, here's where you can be my editor. Give me a list of the odd words and phrases I use, and I will attempt to be my snarky, silly self, and, for no extra charge, define them into English. American-English, or English-English? I haven't decided yet. (Chances are, it will be a weird combination of phrases, and guaranteed to confuse at least once.) So get your submissions in!