It is time I learned: I can't please them all. It's me, and those who care about me, and whom I care for, that I will focus on. The rest? As always--be nice but keep at arms' length.
No, I will not stop being myself, just because people don't like it.
I will continue working on bad habits I want squelched. For ME.
I will not stand by and let people hurt because of me.
I will not stop being nice, even if people do think it's artificial. I will not step down from defending myself if I need to.
I will say no.
That I'm a target because unlike some I will not sit and say nasty things for fun? Because, yes, I want people to be happy? Because I am what I am? Meh. People need to work on insults... passive-aggressive, sanctimonious? They don't work on me. I've heard it all before. And "stupid"? Meh. Try something new.
I won't be changed to fit.
No, I will not "dangle myself" in front of anyone for their friendship.
I won't tell a white lie, blow sunshine up your skirts.
Yes, I get mad on occasion. Yes, I can curse up a blue streak when I do.
I've got my full plate. I have things that have improved, I have things I am improving. I will absorb nutrients. I will show the doctors who said I'd be dead at 30. I will come to terms with grief recently re-opened, and people who know too much about the past and cannot shut up about it, thus leaving a new wound bleeding.
Yeah, I'm bleeding.
But I count my blessings. There are people, and wonderful things they've done. I can't count them on both hands, all my toes--- they are marvelous, and I am grateful.
If I am disliked because I am what I am? Tough cookies! I like me. No, I don't fall in love with me when I look in a mirror. Sure, I have moments. But... I like what's happened, happening, and will happen.
I have looked death in the eyeball, and laughed
I have lived through many a dark time, and come out stronger.
I have not lost faith.
No bragging... I can't take credit. I count, both those who have held my hand as I walked through hell, and those who tried to break me. Without them, I wouldn't have learned.