I blog gluten-free

Monday, November 21, 2011

Forgiveness and Reconciliation

In their own way, through whatever motive they have had, those who have hurt me have taught me valid lessons. Listen to myself. Don't let misplaced feelings keep me from caring for myself, from letting myself heal.
It's a terrible time of year to do this, so pat, so trite--- and could be, so much tripe. (Not the cow's stomach meal I hear is delightfully disgusting, the other meaning, which, in the words of Shakespeare, is simply, sound and fury, signifying nothing.) But reconciliation must first come within, and towards, ourselves.

I thank, with no rancor in my heart, with no sarcasm, those who have caused pain. In doing so, you have helped me to heal, to grow, to evolve. To become stronger.
I thank those who have helped me when I was in pain. It means the world to me.

Let there be... yes, peace on earth, and let it begin with me. I must learn to put the darkness in its' context, to learn from it, and move on into the light.

I deal, in my own time, and with extreme gallows humor, with pain. I also remember that the first person I need to come to terms with, and to forgive, is me. I need to know that I cannot be a door mat, that I must say, straight out "Ok, you've gone too far". I must state when I need to go to a quiet state, to think, before I take further action.  I must do so, without first letting it eat at me until I explode. I must remember to not let myself get so busy that I neglect myself.

I also must remember: I cannot do it all. That there are things I am uncomfortable with and must say, honestly "I am sorry. I can't deal with that." because holding back anger, or pain, or disagreement so no one will be mad? That hurts too. And causes further issues in the future.

I have to learn to say "no", that's also true.

Money is not worth health and well-being.
To sacrifice yourself until you are so wound up you can't heal is dangerous, and is not good for you or those around you.

Love you, first... know yourself.
And don't give up faith--- or attempting to see the goodness in mankind, which, if you look for it, are sure to find.