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Monday, January 14, 2013

Process, Not Progress, Building, Not Breaking

I never enjoy stress. No one does. When it comes down to the stress we can get and give from and to our nearest and dearest, the first words of advice I give to anyone beginning a struggle:

Build your network.
Make your own family. Love your blood. Understand that they may be strange to you, and you to them. Love them, try, but build your supports, and build them strong. Sometimes, what is closest can hurt most. This being said: Never stop loving, but love, and fight for yourself too. This is tough at times. I'm stating the obvious. If I'm quite honest, I'm smarting from the latest and know that I can't let myself be held down or let that stop me... I've made progress and process (Although, I remember a teacher saying "It's process I want. I want to see you work, I want to see you fight for yourself. I want you stubborn. I want you to tell me off on occasion, but I want you fighting. Progress is important, but the steps to get there are far more important." Now, if I wanted to simplify this, I could say, "Getting there is half the fun," but I'm not sure if I'm being sarcastic or not.) 

To build a house, you need a sturdy foundation. Most point to the basics, first DNA, the helix made of the protein building blocks of G,T,C, and A. Of blood. But on occasion, it is blood that can waver. Sometimes, you find a way to make a network, when you chance, when you click, on something that cannot, in any way be described as blood. But if it is water, then we must remember that water can change directions, that it can carve new paths, it can weaken metal. If these attributes are thought of positively, then fine, make sure you have your "water", too. If this is not right... then you have something marvelous but that is so beautiful, so marvelous, that chance, that serendipity, of finding people for whom "friend" is unworthy, as it is too weak of an adjective and used too loosely now. This new family- you may need them. Don't give up on your blood, they are your link, there is love, there is a strange power there, somewhere, that I can't name. A nihilist might say, "Could that be simply nostalgia?" (To them, I dryly say, "You obviously don't know me well, do you?") Show them, if they hurt you, how you stand strong, but still love them, in word, in deed. Don't return pain for pain. 
Friends of all sorts can do this too; you must do the same. 

Remember that letting the hurtful words stop you disrespects yourself. Love yourself. Take time to rest when it gets crazy, and remember that if you've been battling, letting nastiness creep in, letting yourself become what you hate, ruins everything, and your foundations lie in ruins.

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