I blog gluten-free

Sunday, January 20, 2013

I'll Scream Tomorrow

More good news rolled in. Not only am I being featured, but have been offered a position as a regular contributor at Epiphanies.

As for the rest... Whatever fear, whatever confusion--- there's good news of friends, and the above to toast. Yes, it's been rough, and I got snappy... but mistakes get made. I can only try to move forward. I'm trying so hard to sort out things, I'm not even coming off right to myself, but I don't want things messy and dark.

I'm asking questions that might seem obvious... but got a lot of bumps and fears in the past week. Those, I'm putting off. Knowing that medications don't work for my strain of epilepsy is a good thing. The shaking off of the remaining bits is tough. Not phrasing things right, finding myself smacking my head after I've said something that wasn't the way I wanted it said.Or forgetting to mention something good. Changing that.

What do I want to gain, exactly? This is what I need to work on so I can give myself. If anything's worth doing, it's best if you do the grunt work. There's a time and place to ask for help. I'm not there.

Do I have it in me, just yet, to fully come to terms with some things... to drink tea, or cry it out? I realize now... no.
I have it in me to laugh for now. I'm having a Lilian Roth moment. Time to focus more on being human... and there are those things...go ahead, laugh! I don't do them for others, I do them for me!- take a break- absolutely must, again. Definitely toast the happy stuff. A friend's deserves a loud cheer. For mine, I think something quiet- find something I wouldn't normally do, work up something... long hard winter- the stress is on everyone's shoulders.

So, yes. I'm frightened. I'm frustrated. And, for God's sake. No. I care about life out here---where the wind ruffles hair, and you can smell grass, where snow falls, where people cook, etc. That's another thing... it's damn frustrating. Don't assume. Try, for God's sake, to listen for what I'm saying, not what you're hoping I'll say.

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