I will start listening to my gut.
If I do not need old paperwork, if I come across it? Bring on the marshmallows... it's time for a bonfire. otherwise, seeing some things on that moldering paper... will affect me in ways it shouldn't, stunt my better reactions, and leave me open to being triggered.
Sure, I need to walk and just heal...especially after busy holidays. Dinners with my mother? Bless her heart, they leave me on edge for days. Because moms are like that. Holidays are crazy, no matter how easy you try to make them. And sometimes, being quiet is what's best. But I can't forget to make sure I answer texts and the phone next time... I keep letting it go dead for too long, in an effort to just relax. Or... well, send an email "Going off grid" so people don't worry, so that no misunderstandings are made. Because no tears did fall this weekend... I enjoyed simpler pursuits. Including navigating a store from front to back that sells grosses of bandages, among other items. a little shopping (New music was really needed.) I had a few shocks...those---well. They happen. Sure, maybe it would be best if I could vent more... I hold back. But I prefer the simplicity, the quiet, the peace. If I could, it might prevent a triggering episode... thought I was beyond those. I'll save those. Or join a gym again.
That people got hurt, with the biggest culprit being really shitty timing? Damn!
I've got... habits I thought I had nearly squelched to re-train myself to avoid. (Nothing involving tipping back too many-- old behaviors I used that I hated then and hate now.)
I've got to learn to let myself shake things off, like water off a duck's back. Some things I can't- won't. It's not me I'm worried about at present. I can beat whatever hurts... here, in life, in the physical form... I've done it before. But no, I won't be happy-go-lucky--- nor will I simply stand by if someone is hurting themselves. I do not, in any which way, want to be the catalyst for that.
Now? It's prep season. A miracle in the offing. Not wasting that chance. To be quiet, to be still, to think, to focus. Time to rest. To heal. In the end, the only thing getting to me? I see the pain... I'm not sure if I can help.