If You Build It...

It's getting towards that time for New Year's resolutions and promises to treat myself better and do better. First of all: focusing on survival may be important, but you end up forgetting to live. Time to get out there, and learn to live. Life cannot possibly be all paperwork and while being an adult is a time when we put away childish thing, there's no harm whatsoever in occasionally letting myself enjoy the childlike--- (Fraggle Rock? Yes, don't mind if I do.)

Let's see... here's where I am... let me see where I can go.

The house I grew up in: was a house. Sometimes bright and bustling with Polish foods and various new foods to try when Dad couldn't have potassium, etc. Sometimes, a little bit of a prison.

When I was a child I wanted to be: First, the world's foremost expert in mothering a stuffed baby seal larger than I was, named Binky. Then a lawyer---but I detest arguing. (If, as a child, you hide when people fight... law is not your cup of tea.) After a while, I started being extremely interested in just what human beings are made of...from the most basic "building blocks" G, T, C, and A, on up.

The moment that changed me for ever: There's so many candidates for this one. I'd have to say that the most recent was learning that the "healthy" foods I'd been given had damaged my ability to retain and use nutrients.

My greatest inspiration: Eeek. So many, many candidates. Those who showed me what not to do. Those I turned away from. Those I kept. I thank them all. I thank, whole-heartedly, all of them. Positively?  In particular, my mother, my nephew, the Miracle Boy, and his feisty, tall, and gorgeous mama.

My real-life villain: I know this woman who uses God to allow many nasty and despicable acts and abuses...and running a family that is something like a cross between the clan in Deliverance and Jim Jones and his group.  With a touch of Leatherface tossed in.

My style icon: I always liked the classics from the 40's and 50's.

If I could change one thing about myself: Among other things, I am working on my confidence. I need to learn how to say no and not expect a smack.

At night I dream of: A lot, actually. Some horrible, some good. And some that, upon waking, I scratch my head over and intone "What... was... that?"

What I see when I look in the mirror I see: My eyes change between three colors naturally--- mother has green eyes, Dad was baby blue... Jeff and I got a strange mixture... he's got Mountain-Dew-ish green cat's eyes. Mine go between blue, gray, and green and mixtures of them... I like seeing what they do.

My favourite item of clothing: Right now, I have fallen deeply in love with one of my Christmas gifts (all of them, but besides the extremely organic free-range eggs from Mom's chickens, and the ribbon candy from an adopted grandma of sorts and... :-) ) --- I have a new pair of casual moccasins... (Bearpaw Moc II---)  holy cow are they warm and nice! I just wish I didn't have such narrow feet!

I wish I'd never worn: EEK! Where do I begin? I grew up between the three-can of Aquanet and angular clothing stage (At that time, I was decidedly less stylish in my heavy orthopedic boots- leg deformity that I had to have corrected- over alls, ragged jeans and the floucy baby doll dresses Mom put me in), the grunge era- not too bad---just gotta make it clean! and the 60s-70s revival. Let's go with... uh... the horrific Lucille Ball got a bad concussion red I tried in 9th grade.

It's not fashionable but I like: big sweaters, even over the girly version of short boxer shorts I tend to relax in.  If they go to my thigh, or lower, all the better!

You wouldn't know it but I'm very good at : I can sing, I can write (barely legibly) with my feet, and at one point, I hated it, but I wasn't bad at canoeing. I always ended up with someone I'd have to correct, and it hurt the shoulder.

You may not know it but I'm no good at : arguing. I suck at it. Because I hate it so much. I also have trouble saying no, (there's a resolution I'm working on) and seeing angry people scares me and I'll need to try to nurse them.

All my money goes on : I try to save actually, but in this day and age and a GF diet? It tends to be food!

If I have time to myself : I love to head out, walk like crazy, go out, read, find new and interesting music, or play with manicures. After years of biting my nails, I like to play with them now.


I drive : Myself completely and utterly insane, because I know me way too well.

My house is : My first true taste of freedom.

My most valuable possession is : I don't really put a lot of stock in possessions. I've lost so many, and have had to replace things slowly now that I've gotten closer to a "safe and comfortable" place, that I consider only people valuable.

My favourite building : I love large, old buildings. And lighthouses. And pretty little cottages.

Movie heaven : Casablanca. Freaks. Yes, Freaks. (lesson learned: Don't get your head too far up your ass. In the end, it's those who insist that they are better than every one else that end up being the true freaks.) It's from 1932. And thanks to someone who bought it after MGM suppressed it (for rather awful imagery) for years, it is now in public domain.

A book that changed me : Each book you read educates or teaches you to see in new ways. I rather liked The Three Questions by Jon Muth. It's based off Tolstoy, (I adore Tolstoy's writings). And it does help to ask yourself about how you should live and treat others here and there, and work on improving it.
the Three Questions

My favourite work of art : May sound a little silly, but Dancers in Blue by Degas. And of course, Van Gogh's Starry Night.

The last album I bought/downloaded: Radical Face's Family Tree: The Roots. Highly recommended.

The person who really makes me laugh: Some of my friends get me laughing so hard tears will come to my eyes and my stomach will hurt, and all I can think is "Please, stop... it hurts!" I love them for it.

The shops I can't walk past: When I was a child, my mother nicknamed me "Mrs. Marcos" because I couldn't help but stare at the pretty party shoes. I wanted something other than my heavy boots! Now, it's the bookstore. No weird affectionate nickname based on a dictator's wife, yet.

The best invention ever: Think of the beckoning whisper from Field of Dreams. *Smirk!*

In 10 years' time, I hope to be: Somewhere with a porch swing, a basenji, and I'll leave it there. :)

My greatest regret: I have a terrible habit of adopting "ugly puppies"--- people who you think "Oh, it's been tough, they just need patience and care" about and end up biting you.

My life in seven words: "It's tough, sometimes. But, it's worth it."