Long Month Is Long

Okee dokee. Rough damn month. Begun dreading easter and numerous sad anniversaries. Lunacy to follow, and I can't slow down or quit thinking and just relax for the life of me. I am either not saying things correctly, or else, I have to really work on my "short answers"- "Need break. Long month is long. Need to focus".
Ah, Easter, you came with your own special gifts, didn't you? Dad's 65th birthday, and a fight with my brother over trolling an atheist...who had gone after me earlier. When I have no clue HOW to troll. I had merely meant to ask, that even if we are human, prone to screw ups (me more so than others) why can we not use this time to actually absorb the message of Christ, whether he be historically accurate or not. I very nearly quoted the "More things in heaven and earth, Horatio..." bit but I don't think it would fit and I'm in for a battle with a polar opposite. Meaning, I will have to explain, "You are putting your sympathies with a man who thinks Dr. Drew Pinski is stalking him, personally"-and from what I could glean, apparently wishes death upon him personally. among other things. And a man who had lumped all believers in with the false Christians who use God for pogroms, and every war on earth. Who had gotten angry when I asked "If God does not exist, then why are you mad at him?" and answered to a straight "Why not live "Love and Respect eachother" post with more of the same. But, ah, as someone "indoctrinated" from day 1 how could I possibly understand, yes? Need I remind you, you've got 10 more years than I in that department? Way to misread everything... I am a good girl, if I agree, go your way, don't say much, behave. I don't take that from anyone, not even family. Look, I love you. I will not apologize, because I felt attacked, because all I wanted was to learn from the information I was getting and felt smacked instead. No, I will not behave and listen to "those who know better", because you disagree with my beliefs and as a nihilist find me naive. I will stand up for myself, and my beliefs, which do not generally belong to particular religions, but to a simple belief in God and that I want to know the reasons why things are, and what everyone, from a satanist to a basic deist thinks and does. I am not content with lessons from the pulpit. I want history, whys, wherefores. And Jeff, you are NOT my father. Do not attempt to give me an order to obey my betters. I did not take it from school teachers, I will certainly NOT obey you. I am in my late 20s and do not simply obey like an infant.