I blog gluten-free

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

I Cannot Phrase It As I Want, But Me Talk Pretty Someday

Some big misunderstandings- some of which, I am indeed heartbroken about, have taken place this month. So far I have yet to be able to fully say "Ok, here's this... and I am therefore attempting to refocus" correctly. I do write things out, as numerous doctors, teachers and friends have told me, for a sort of therapeutic release. So that maybe I can put things together... "I am sad because..." . At this time, I am cluttered. Way too many hats to wear- family lunacy, a fun battle with a polar opposite (read "fun" sarcastically.)- and as of yet, way too many dips into what is negative. I am attempting at this moment in time to refocus. To try to calm jittery nerves. Too Much All At Once has me a bit shaky and on edge. And it has shown. At times, things written are either starkly sarcastic, although I'm fond of dry deliveries and sneak punch lines, or they're meant to get things out prior to verbally stating something, so that I can perhaps neaten it up and avoid saying something I don't want to actually say. I am not actually phrasing things right and am hot-blooded at this moment in time. Because I still feel a bit bloodied myself, and I guess it's leaking. There are things I cannot tolerate, and if I am scared that something will hurt me, I fight back with all weapons I have. I may not say things politely, or as I intend. Please, for the love of God...don't assume! I've been dealing with fright, anger and all else. No, I am not exiling people who care- I am attempting to calm myself. Because I have had to deal with fear, and it sapped me. Try, please, to read things as: "Very stressed. Cannot calm. Needs to, is focusing inward- trying to sort things so I can work on them" It is a muddle, and I have to work on it on my own. So endeth the Public Service Announcement, and now, for this week's episode of Blossom...

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