I blog gluten-free

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Breaking Out

Breaking habits is tough, (Hello, McFly!) but at times, is vitally important.

Habits I need to break:
*My tendency to apologize for everything, stemming from a punishment acquired after an unfortunate misunderstanding of what word I was trying to use.
*Worrying... I've always said that if worrying were an Olympic sport, I'd have won the gold medal in the Worriers' Decathlon.
*Lack of confidence. I look back at where I have been (preferably, I look away before I become a human salt cellar.) and I've grown. So why worry about things I'm not capable of just yet, when there are far more important things? I also need to remember that there are things I cannot change. May I have to wisdom to "offer it up", let it go...
*Smoking. We'll get there.
*Arguing with myself. It does me no good and I am a pro at sending myself demeaning, and brutal arguments.
*Not sending myself these sudden negative arguments at inopportune moments. Between coffee & main course is no time to suddenly have the devil on your shoulder (To use a stock cartoon image, or perhaps I should simply switch to Fred Flinstone's little alien pal, the Great Gazoo.) pipe up, "Are you going to hurt me too?" Oh, my yes, I find a quivering, jumpy person sexy, don't you?
*Taking shit and not piping up with a simple "Ok, fuck you". (On occasion...and only if a polite smile doesn't work.) I need to quit internalizing it... it ends up becoming part of that internal dialogue psychologists and life coaches like to talk about. If it keeps up, eventually I explode and say something that I find despicable, (Someone had the gall to tell me "Your ex husband almost raped me..." in a fit of pique, rather than simply nodding or sending a death glare... it was during a "You're to blame because you refuse to discuss this, and don't you know, you weren't the only one hurt." argument... I shouted "Come back to me when he succeeds!" Immediately, I needed to vomit.)
*Letting the lack of medical answers/ solutions turn me into a nervous wreck.
*I need to start being there for others.

Habits I refuse to break:
*The "Everybody does this, nobody does that" argument has never worked for me. I think it's partially from my father repeating "If everyone paints their bums blue and goes dancing off a cliff to worship Bugzilla, will you go too?" (He had a way with interesting phrases.)
*The  stuffed skunk. Somehow, I will always have that danged skunk near by.
*More? Let's go with "To Be Announced"
*TBA: I will not allow myself to grow dark. Crappy day? Look at the brightside. (Yup). Among other things, if it irritates me, I'm sure I can flip it... or wax sarcastic and hope that it's understood.

(I suppose that if I make this a series, I'll have to call it "Electric Buggaloo" or something!)


  1. I really enjoyed reading this. It is a huge positive step even in listing the many things you did, much less going forward. I wish you huge luck with them all. I will share one thought that I have found true in MY life. The more I focus on being there for others or proactively looking for ways to help them - a lot of what I want to change about me - disappears.

  2. That's the idea. Truthfully, I'm hoping I can use bad for good. :)