I blog gluten-free

Monday, January 9, 2012

There, Does That Feel Better?

1) "Watch the news more frequently"
It's like summer movie ads... after a while, there's this horrid sense of deja vu, followed closely by "Yeah, and? Ok, singer pregnant. Singer names new baby Sugar Plum Tinker Berry Belle VI. And there's entertainment. Dictators die. New puppet government set up... except this time, the dictator's child is leader in name only while old men run the country. And that's politics. Oh, and a GOP debate, where I wonder if it's my television or if we're being taken over by gigantic oompa loompas. Yawn. And people watch the news religiously at 5, 6, 10, and 11 and argue and insist others need to be involved in this fascinating past time. When all else fails, there's loud complaints on the hairstyles, oh my God, did you know the weather man is gay? (But, Mom, he looks so cute in a little yellow raincoat singing "It's Raining Men"!)

2)What's so and so up to?
I can give a general list of choices, but I can't read minds, nor can I tell people what to do. If my brother decides to stick his bum out the window and fart the National Anthem, I can just bet on who'd actually buy the most CDs. Hey... I can't humanly know everything. Call THEM.

3)Over-protectiveness that might end up accidentally (You hope) being an insult
I:"I don't like you out in this weather"--- it has to happen on occasion. Also, are you sure we're watching the same weather reports? I keep seeing... a little chill and some dead grass. You insist that I stay inside because apparently it might rain? Lady, I'm not the healthiest, but that's what a good coat, a hat and occasionally gloves are for. I am not staying inside all winter. I think I'd be sicker being all stuffed up then actually having the freedom to walk, run, and have fun with friends.

4)Insisting I do things that I find deplorable, going against everything I was taught, and throwing in a nasty phrase that is guaranteed to upset me:
Lady, if I dared to pull that stunt on anyone else, I'd hope they'd give me a smack. I'm too nice to hang up on or tell you off... unlike everyone else. Ah, that's why you go to me first now.
1)Yeah, things are tough. Yeah, they've always been that way. It was not easier on me to be cooped up, shut up (Why did I get speech therapy with an emphasis on removing gestures and ASL again? I forget.) and to forever be at the mercy of a guilt trip if I wanted to go past certain pre-set outlines you'd drawn for me.
2)Yeah, I had illnesses. I find that caring for me with impatience and loudly huffing that I was nothing but trouble, all while (now) trying to insist I come to your house 60 miles away---to do what? Be surrounded by food I can't eat, and someone who is using his illness to control you (which then makes me sad)--- to be stressful. Thanks no. I'll make soup and take care of me. And constant battering and nasty little comments? Be grateful... I can still bite back "Don't worry, you don't have to worry. You might only have another year of my stubbornness and need to do the horrible thing of trying to take care of myself, as I need to do. Doesn't that feel better?"

Also: I am slowly catching up on tv shows and music I wasn't allowed. I don't know where you found fault with some things.

Now, one show, where a girl sarcastically mocks the world around her and doesn't try to be like everyone else? I'll take my cue from that.

All those years when I was quiet while you blamed me for everyone else's actions, yelled at me if someone did something you didn't like or tried to figure out what I could do, and occasionally lambasted me for being born with health issues? Yeah, they taught me a lot. Mostly, they taught me that I love you,  but when it comes to fear, which I feel often for you, I was taught that I didn't know if I was scared FOR or OF you.

By the way: No, I cannot do everything. Sorry that I accidentally gave the impression that I enjoy having a million tasks dumped on me... I really don't. I'd also really like to be comfortable around people... but I just know, somewhere, I'm going to have to deal with all the things I wasn't allowed to do, or keep quiet, so I don't anger anyone. Or, I can work on me, and try to get over my anger at you at this moment. And work on loving you, but not allowing you to scare me so I can't function. Love and fear are two separate things. I need to respect, not fear you.
Now back to really dry sarcasm. I've had enough of holding this in.

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