I Cannot Phrase It As I Want, But Me Talk Pretty Someday

Some big misunderstandings- some of which, I am indeed heartbroken about, have taken place this month. So far I have yet to be able to fully say "Ok, here's this... and I am therefore attempting to refocus" correctly. I do write things out, as numerous doctors, teachers and friends have told me, for a sort of therapeutic release. So that maybe I can put things together... "I am sad because..." . At this time, I am cluttered. Way too many hats to wear- family lunacy, a fun battle with a polar opposite (read "fun" sarcastically.)- and as of yet, way too many dips into what is negative. I am attempting at this moment in time to refocus. To try to calm jittery nerves. Too Much All At Once has me a bit shaky and on edge. And it has shown. At times, things written are either starkly sarcastic, although I'm fond of dry deliveries and sneak punch lines, or they're meant to get things out prior to verbally stating something, so that I can perhaps neaten it up and avoid saying something I don't want to actually say. I am not actually phrasing things right and am hot-blooded at this moment in time. Because I still feel a bit bloodied myself, and I guess it's leaking. There are things I cannot tolerate, and if I am scared that something will hurt me, I fight back with all weapons I have. I may not say things politely, or as I intend. Please, for the love of God...don't assume! I've been dealing with fright, anger and all else. No, I am not exiling people who care- I am attempting to calm myself. Because I have had to deal with fear, and it sapped me. Try, please, to read things as: "Very stressed. Cannot calm. Needs to, is focusing inward- trying to sort things so I can work on them" It is a muddle, and I have to work on it on my own. So endeth the Public Service Announcement, and now, for this week's episode of Blossom...

April Showers

"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars".
Darkness and tragedy, drama, and more stress than it seems the sane could handle is all around at present. I joke often, "I can feel it in the air: there is a baby with diaper rash in Timbuktu tonight." It is a disastrous feeling, a sad one, when you do have to throw up hands and say, "There is not much I can do, I can be there, but I do not have a magic wand to wave. They have to improve on their own power."

Yes, there are people in the world who thrive on others' pain. A cry of help is music to their ears. There are also people who give, and give and give, who, if a group were starving to death, no hope of rescue in sight, would offer an arm and say "Oh, take my arm, I don't need two." Who receive the pain, and as they have been leaned upon, do not know how to lean on anyone else. These are marvelous, beautiful souls who keep their pain hidden-at least until the inevitable blow up comes. People are bleeding. Oh, April, thou art a cruel month. Under your gray skies and downpours, it seems casualties tend to be taken more often at this time of year. Not, of course, that I could or would chart that, it's not a set of problems and results I'd like to take upon myself.

I have to learn when to say "When". (Out of curiosity, have you noticed- when people are told "Say when" they most often do not, but instead offer "Stop." "Done" or "Oh, too full!")
But, just as there are those who do thrive upon drama, feeding upon it like rabid hyenas upon a gazelle's corpse, so too should be the ideal of "Offer light. Offer sunshine. Yes, things suck and stress is all around. But you can be better than that, right?" I cannot help being idealistic anymore than I could help being an imperfect human. But I can learn, even from assholes. In every life, some rain must fall. Well, then here I come in my ducky wellies... to dance in the puddles, and to hopefully, offer a light in the darkness. 

Long Month Is Long

Okee dokee. Rough damn month. Begun dreading easter and numerous sad anniversaries. Lunacy to follow, and I can't slow down or quit thinking and just relax for the life of me. I am either not saying things correctly, or else, I have to really work on my "short answers"- "Need break. Long month is long. Need to focus".
Ah, Easter, you came with your own special gifts, didn't you? Dad's 65th birthday, and a fight with my brother over trolling an atheist...who had gone after me earlier. When I have no clue HOW to troll. I had merely meant to ask, that even if we are human, prone to screw ups (me more so than others) why can we not use this time to actually absorb the message of Christ, whether he be historically accurate or not. I very nearly quoted the "More things in heaven and earth, Horatio..." bit but I don't think it would fit and I'm in for a battle with a polar opposite. Meaning, I will have to explain, "You are putting your sympathies with a man who thinks Dr. Drew Pinski is stalking him, personally"-and from what I could glean, apparently wishes death upon him personally. among other things. And a man who had lumped all believers in with the false Christians who use God for pogroms, and every war on earth. Who had gotten angry when I asked "If God does not exist, then why are you mad at him?" and answered to a straight "Why not live "Love and Respect eachother" post with more of the same. But, ah, as someone "indoctrinated" from day 1 how could I possibly understand, yes? Need I remind you, you've got 10 more years than I in that department? Way to misread everything... I am a good girl, if I agree, go your way, don't say much, behave. I don't take that from anyone, not even family. Look, I love you. I will not apologize, because I felt attacked, because all I wanted was to learn from the information I was getting and felt smacked instead. No, I will not behave and listen to "those who know better", because you disagree with my beliefs and as a nihilist find me naive. I will stand up for myself, and my beliefs, which do not generally belong to particular religions, but to a simple belief in God and that I want to know the reasons why things are, and what everyone, from a satanist to a basic deist thinks and does. I am not content with lessons from the pulpit. I want history, whys, wherefores. And Jeff, you are NOT my father. Do not attempt to give me an order to obey my betters. I did not take it from school teachers, I will certainly NOT obey you. I am in my late 20s and do not simply obey like an infant.

Miss Beth Takes On Dear Abby

Every now and then, my email gets a little backlogged. I decided to see if I could manage snappy answers. Because, well, being a smart-ass is my salvation at times.

-Question: Dear Beth, how do I go about finding a good gynecologist?
Answer: See that he's gentle. It's not that I'm sentimental, it's just that I'm horrified.
Ooo{And there are people that I'd rather never think about in that way. Shudder.}
-Question: Dear Beth, I have this growth...
Answer: I'm told that a cold shower takes care of that.
(Actually, they were talking about a mole, but until I replied to a vague message asking "What the hell?" my brain did quite a few circles. I could leave you in suspense, but really--- not my style, no brain-to-mouth-or-keyboard-filter, and all.)
-Question: Dear Beth, the world is full of theories and craziness. How do you cope?
Answer: Well, it goes like this: "Were the sky actually falling, Chicken Little, the sky would come to rest upon the mountains of idiots that plague the land". Not seeing people laid out flat here there, everywhere, gives me reassurance that all is where it's supposed to be in that regard.

-Question: How can you be a Catholic?
Answer: Not easily. Rather hard on the knees. Wait... Ok, actually-We all go through a period of confusion. I'll get back to you.
-Question: I'm a nice guy, why can't I get a date?
Answer: That never flies with me. Nice guys truly have no clue they're nice. And no, I don't particularly enjoy the time-honored pursuit of pretending to find my coffee cup interesting while someone discusses World of Warcraft. My humble apologies to WoW fans.
-Question: Do you like sports other than ballet?
Answer: Me like hockey.
-Question: Dear Beth, why do you insist that Edward G. Robinson was miscast in the 10 Commandments?
Answer: I expect Dathan to chomp a cigar, ask where his money is, and order an egg cream and lox bagel. "Whey-ah is yo gawd nao". Brooklynese is not, I suspect, an accent germane to the atmosphere of that region about 5,000+ years ago (est)
-Question: What color was Jesus?
Answer: if Jesus were born to a woman in Galilee, I would think he'd likely have a rather olive complexion. Someone living in that area likely would have that Mediterranean skin, not to mention the sunlight, etc
As for Hay-soos, it varies. I'm assured that he's available for lawns this summer.
-Question: How well do you speak Polish?
Answer: I think I recently accidentally asked my Aunt Gertie where the pot stash was. I seriously meant to ask about the whereabouts of the bathroom, I was dreadfully afraid it had somehow been misplaced! = )
-Question: Dear Beth, what do you think of these Nigerian scams?
Answer: I had no idea scams had nationalities. But my friend Ibraham is very nice, and he's praying for me.

DISCLAIMER: This concludes another fun installment of Ask Miss Beth. Send in your questions. Note: I may be sarcastic/ snarky. I may be extremely blunt. Do not expect a straight answer, but expect that I do not have a filter between my brain/ mouth/fingers. If I feel it, I say it. Thank you.

Sometimes, the questions are complicated, but the answers are simple. _Dr. Seuss

Happy Easter, In Five Seconds

Happy Easter, everyone. Remember, it's not eggs, chocolate, ham and green bean casserole. It's not bunnies. It's faith. Faith makes you whole, moves mountains, and 2,000+ years ago, we were given a priceless gift. God bless, whatever your beliefs. ♥


And because it's a favorite at the moment: Angel's wings are gonna carry us away... (Tough to find this acoustic version.) My gift, today, is music. Interpret the meaning as is seen fit... the first part is what I generally apply to myself :) 

Easter, Zombie Bunnies, and the Dalai Lama

It's Holy Week... I kind of did a poem (or maybe not) on the tale we all know.

Sunday, we celebrate Jesus rising from the grave. We also celebrate an ancient pagan ritual. *GASP!* Ah, yes, it's true.
We celebrate the spring, a time of fertility (herein comes our fecund rabbits! Oops. Bad pun NOT intended!) Many will go to church, for perhaps the first time since Christmas. We call that a C&E Christian.
We will sit through services, "He is risen, He is risen", "The women went to the tomb (with embalming ingredients, at that) and found it empty- and despite everything they'd been told, were shocked! (Although, it is rather difficult for a human to understand someone actually defeating death, but Lazarus had been raised in their lifetime, what made them think that someone, whom a woman, with a "bleeding issue" for 12 years had touched and healed at that casual contact, or who had healed lepers, could not do the same as Lazarus, who had begun to exibit a condition after his death of "He has been dead for 3 days, he stinkith", who had removed 10,000 demons from Legion...could not also rise again? Oh ye's of little faith!) -I wonder, if at least once, after seeing a shocked look (although, as humans, we might too be weirded out seeing someone killed violently walking about)- He thought, "Hey, I TOLD you I'd be back. Haven't you seen enough to know I could manage it?"

And how else do we celebrate? Eggs. From the pagan roots. (FERTILITY!) Chocolate. Chocolate rabbits. Jelly beans which look like small birds' eggs. Family feasts.

You know what? How about honoring our deity, and meaning it? How about "giving birth" to honor, love & acceptance? And oh, how about a zombie chocolate bunny, just for fun? I mean the little guy (top)  is kind of cute.

To close: Just remember this: It is not religion. It is faith.
FAITH. FAITH. FAITH!
Developing love and compassion and reducing anger and spite is a universal activity which requires no faith in any religion whatsoever.- the Dalai Lama

Holy Week

Solemn faces
Candles galore
Preparations and feasts and solemnity

A lamb led to slaughter
Betrayed with a kiss
30 pieces of silver- for what price a friend, for what price a love?

A prophecy to fulfill
A life to give
So all may be free

One day, he rode into Jerusalem
A humble donkey the King rode

One day, they feasted
"Take eat, this is my body. Drink, this is my blood".

One day he was arrested
Whipped
Cruelly paraded in cloth of purple
And crown of thorns

Pontius Pilot, after asking him every question he could
After trying to free him, only to give up a murderer to the shrieking crowds instead
Washed his hands of the responsibility and sent a lamb to his doom


One day, he died with dignity none could remove
Hung naked and bleeding on a cross

Forgiving a thief, and forgiving those who mocked him
"He saved others, himself, he cannot save."

One day, the women found his grave empty
One day, he showed himself to his friends and followers
One day, a Doubting Thomas had to touch his still-bleeding stigmata himself, before he could believe that the promise to come back had come true.

And one week, we celebrate a week that ends darkly
And begins again with sunlight and joy.