Joy and Exhaustion

The kidney infection is gone-thanks to four days using a heavy antibiotic mostly used for anthrax exposure. The flank pain finally went, working on staying hydrated and replacing the nutrients lost to meds- anticovulsants knock out quite a few of your vitamins, B5, B12 (Scarlily enough, there's a shortage and they're worried I may have to go on a heavy supplement if they can't get my shots in.), and more. This is a normal battle, plus I'm in that 15% of people for whom Topomax acts as appetite suppressant. Not to be dismayed...after days on 7Up and ginger ale, and broth, my body rallied in fine form, telling me, "ENOUGH! SOLIDS, WOMAN!" as it will get sick of the same old same old and crave variety. (And I accidentally bought unsalted broth, good for kidney, not so good for tastebuds. Which I try to tempt as a way of getting more calories. It's about presentation, taste, smell, etc. As I started getting better, I started adding small amounts of car-shaped rice noodles to add visual variety- and erm...ZOOM to better health?) - Had a turkey dinner minus the gravy the other day-small but did the trick and held down nicely.

Now to work on exhaustion. I know I'm dragging butt. I know saying, "I'm good, I'm getting there," feels like a horrid, hollow lie still. I'm tired. I know I need to do a few last minute things and haven't got the blasted energy to do so.But even with melatonin, the medication changes are still screwing with me, and 3 hours is my best. Oh, no. As for DingDong Neuro: So long, farewell, Auf Wiedersehen, goooooooooodbyyyyyyyyyyyyye...  you overdosed and almost killed me, you ass! Look, I was willing somewhat, to overlook my discomfort with you-for God's sake, my pediatrician's husband was a loveable grump- but you are so not loveable except in so far as you are human. But verbal abuse, messing with meds twice now, and ignoring symptoms is wrong, I'm afraid.

See, I know I need to do this or my body will take over on its' own. Among seizure triggers is lack of sleep and stress. I have so far been unable to sleep correctly, even with melatonin, and need to heal. I'm working on focusing on the good... the hope, the peace, the joy, and this week, love, and later, CHRISTMAS! It's a tough one, I'm dragging still and everyone's been sick, but damned if I'm not going to be joyful anyway. I refuse to focus on the mundane, the hurts, the slights. It's the season of Light, and I am not messing that up for myself.

Still working on that focusing thing. Taking time out...rosary bracelet, maybe artificial stars on ceiling to focus on, zen music... 20 minutes a day, although I might up it a touch.

I've got this.