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Monday, April 14, 2014

Horses Named Dude and Democratic Hydras

The wonderfully insane mastermind behind "It Came from Allen's Brain!" asked a few interesting questions, and never passing up an opportunity to over- think, I got to work. 

For other probing questions and original stories, please visit: Allen's Brain

1)Q: You've been through a desert on a horse with no name (I feel bad for the earworm.) In a fit of boredom, you decide to name it. What is the horse's name?
A: The horse's name is Dude, of course. Dude is a horse, of course. "Dude" is a term of endearment in my family. 

2. Q: Dr Jarnikov, diabolical genius, is going to perform the classic brain swap experiment on you. Who/what is the other subject?
A: This is temporary, right? Because I sort of feel bad for whomever/ whatever takes custody of my brain. I'm used to it, and even I get annoyed. I've been told people are curious about how my brain works, so if there are any volunteers, walk this way.

3. Q: The Great Old Furry Tortoise of Wisdom grants you the answer to one question. What do you ask? 
A: Oh, dear. I'm sure the first thing on my mind would be, "Why are you furry, O, Wise Tortoise?" Before I could stop myself. 

4.Q: Build a better mousetrap, and the world will beat a path to your door. Build a better mouse, and...
A: Watch out, the world will either have pitchforks or Disney movie deals this time. 

5. Q: There are eight entrees on the menu. How does the hydra make up its minds which to order?
A: If it's a democratic hydra, they either draw straws or go by which head has gone the longest without eating. 

6. Q: It’s the end of the world, and you have the last pudding cup. What do you do with it?
A: I'd like to think that I'd have those little cardboard ice cream spoons, and would share if I could. Slurping out the dregs is best. What I'd probably do is try to save it and would end up mournfully intoning, "J-E-LL-Oh!" 

7.Q: Sometimes you just have to get away from the angry, pitchfork-wielding mobs. Bamboo hut in the jungle, laboratory hidden in a volcano, observatory on the ocean floor, or apartment in the sub-basement beneath the Asian food market?
A: This one's simple. Or is it? Everybody will probably think I'd try to hide in a volcano or under the sea. My best choice is to hole up somewhere that seems too obvious. I'm not giving anything away lest that route is closed off too.

8. Q: You’ve just strolled into an ice cream parlor in the Twilight Zone. What’s the ironic problem with their frozen treats?
A: It's the Twilight Zone, so expecting some strange disaster, like exploding ice cream, or ice cream made with a Soylent Green cone or ice cream that never makes you gain weight, because a portrait of yourself ages and morphs into a helus, (glutton) and then comes alive and eats you, would be too obvious. Rather, nothing happens... Or maybe it does. Your choice. Choose carefully! Hands off the peach Melba!

9. Q: You are the comic book superpower fairy. What amazing ability do you give your enemy?
A: The power to read my mind. 

10. Q: A box arrives at your door with a note, reading “Do not open!” What do you do?
A: Is it sparkly? If it's not ticking or moving ominously, I'll be sorely tempted to open it. I like rebelling. 

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