I blog gluten-free

Sunday, September 12, 2010

My Honey Do list: Keeping Busy While Grieving

Grief, like the many ways we deal with it, comes in various forms. From a death, to the loss of a relationship/marriage, we can get into some major funks.
I know... I haven't quite broken yet... I'm still in my "Gotta Be Strong When Others Aren't" stage. I'm responding with a combination of sarcasm and anger. And other odd, convoluted, and perhaps unhealthy urges.

Right now, I'm finding things to do, from converting American recipe measurements to imperial measurements for a friend in Australia whose son has autism and has been placed on a gluten-free diet, something I've heard about often, worrying about my sweet nephew and his issues at school, from an abusive teacher, kids who refuse to play with him because he is biracial, and bully him, and of course, being six and on an extremely strict diet due to the fact, that not only does his body treat gluten as a virus, attacking itself, but multiple food allergies as well, from peanuts to chocolate to eggs. We have a photo of a bruise from what seems to be a type of extreme dodgeball (With SIX year olds) when a ball was tossed directly at his head by an ADULT. Who said "He should have ducked." (And you should be castrated and dragged down Main Street.) And "Why are you worried? He's just over-sensitive". This "Over sensitive" child, has in time, curled up to me, played with my hair, and said "It's ok, I love you." Who gave me the best explanation of relationships I'd ever heard: "Aunt Beth, I know what sex is". I think I jumped 20 feet into the air at that. "Um," I said, "What do you know?" "Well, it's a special kind of cake." I continued to stare at him. "See, it's sweet, but you can only have it when you're ready, because it's too sweet for some people." I think my mouth was open for a good five minutes. I finally distracted him with a sip of the coffee he'd been begging me for and I'd kept refusing. "Where did you learn that?" "General Hospital." I face-palmed.
He's a very smart boy, and I'm a rather proud auntie.
I'm getting ready to move, and yet dreading the whole Mom-and-Wayne fight of the day, after which, my most innocent response will lead to me getting the brunt of Mom's frustration. Among other things. The woman's driving me nuts.
I'm still pissed... what should have been a wonderful goodnight, goodbye, I love you, was ruined by massive drinking, people pulling me aside to tell me "Why couldn't you get through your goodbye speech without sobbing after the third word?" (Golly, I don't know. Maybe because I'm sad?!), telling me how my Uncle George's woman is a golddigger. Look, ask my opinion, and it's well, "I don't know her enough, and it's not for me to judge.") And somehow, the meal that was safe for me, was made with regular bread crumbs. I couldn't have the pork chops either way, and I was assured my food would be safe. Hence, 2 entrees. I got classic flu symptoms and had to use an epi pen, plus go to the ER that day- and my sister got a massive case of hives. Let me fucking have more than a goodbye "By myself" in front of the open coffin... do you think it was easy crying in front of concerned relatives?
My bear like cousin, 2 months older than I, (And, at 10lbs birthweight to my barely 6, looked like he could eat me in pics we had together) helped out some, by patting me on the head and telling me I'd be OK. (If anyone else tried that, I'd bite their hand off)
So, I made myself a honey do list until I am ready to let go and lean on someone. It takes me a while.
I have framed a pic I found, all four of us busy girls, Grandma, Mom, Lorelei and I, and am looking for a frame that can hold a pic that I think measures 3.5. I think I may just use a composite frame, individuals are bigger now.
I need to get two strings of old pearls cleaned and restrung.
I'm moving. That's complete craziness, boy howdy.
My family is still driving me nuts.
I love you, but fuck, you people hurt me.
Ok, that's enough for now

No comments:

Post a Comment